The Subscript;

2011-08-27T10:57:00.002+08:00

"She had been made to break a necessary social law. but no law known to the environment."

I don't mean this in the context Thomas Hardy did, but I find it to be undeniably true- in more things than one. How social conventions determine whatever’s right and wrong in whichever season it may be.

I guess it is true that guidelines are there to protect the bulk of the majority that may be less fortunate than I have been and prevent them from getting hurt. But then guidelines are merely guidelines and without true revelation if they are right for one, it makes no sense to blindly adhere to them because because because I don't know how to put this, but laws are dead. It's the revelation that makes them relevant. That's the gist of it.

I interrupt this thought with a glance towards the 8 cases of Sims 2 CDs on my table. I HAVE NOT PLAYED SIMS 2/3 FOR DAMN LONG.

The realization invokes deprivation that I had not yet registered because I barely even have time to think about it. My computer- being reformatted countless times due to cursed virus attack- is pretty much minimalist. Like I have two columns of icons. This saddens me. :(

I consider for a moment installing all my Sims now. Then a voice of reason strikes and reminds me I have Promos in 29 days (actually not a voice of reason, I just recalled a tweet by my classmate). THEN I conclude that I will play it during the holidays after Promos!!! *EUREKA* And then it dawns upon me that GIVEN I PROMOTE, my As are next year… :( WHEN WILL I BE REUNITED WITH MY SIMS?!?!?!?!?!?? D:

The world is much colder now…..

WOW. My ability to digress. Or maybe it's the lack of a sustainable attention span. :/ Now I’m lazy to rationalize my thoughts in words. My main point is that sometimes I don’t even know if I am just following the guidelines set by the wise who have gone ahead because I feel that I have made many mistakes and I now do not trust myself in this particular area OR because I feel that it is really the direction in which I am convicted to go because I feel it is “right for me”. What does that even mean anyway?

Someone reminded me that I had a blog. And thus, the spawning of this blog post. Which otherwise has no purpose. But that person’s casual comment also reminded me of other things. Things that I had been feeling but had not been giving much thought to. And a girl friend questioned me on these things awhile ago, though adamant in response, I did think about it too. Even my mom did make mention. Or maybe the before-after-during effects of PMS and the entire burden it encompasses does have its large effect. Just a thought.

It seems like Semester 2 of J1 is like crazy. It just feels like exam after exam, all within about a month of each other. THIS IS FREAKING MADNESS. My last post was about my CT results and by now I’ve also gotten my MSA2 results. Which are MIRACULOUSLY 1 point improvement from my CT results. WHICH IS CRAZY TALK. COZ I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GET BACK IN THE STUDY MOOD FOR MSA2 RIGHT AFTER CTS. He is so faithful. My Chinese went back to a U though… OHDAMN. HAHA. But it’s okay, He will deliver, He will provide, His arm is mighty to save!!!!! xD

I can’t believe I’m like 3/8 done with my JC life. (YES, I JUST HAVE TO BE NON-CONFORMIST AND NOT USE HALVES AND QUARTERS. BADASS.) Which is so fast. I’m super thankful for a generally awesome class and since I’ve not yet mentioned and they probably won’t notice… I LOVE THESE A07 BABES. :)

MELZ(a.k.a ODI), MEL JEN, KENGZ, NUTWONG, ESTHERLY, WENNY, WANmenstruationPING, TAITINGTING. <3

- UNDER CONSTRUCTION STUPID BLOGGER KEEPS REPORTING UNEXPECTED ERROR IN UPLOADING PHOTOS. I GUESS MY GIRLFRIENDS ARE TOO HOT... :s -

In frustration, I shall go do PW that has constantly been a pain-in-the-ass for the past year. IT'S LIKE EVERY TIME YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT IT FIGURED OUT... YOU DON'T. AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH PI, THERE'S GPP, THEN THERE'S EOM, AND I&R. WHEN WILL THIS END? D: By 11/11 apparently... But still. WHEN WILL THIS ENNNNNNNND???????? D: ANYWAY. PW is likely to lead to more frustration so maybe I'll do math after that. But you've stopped caring about what I'm gonna do awhile ago. KTHXBYE.

Love,

Debs.

P.S. I'M SUPER EXCITE FOR ARROW SERVICE LATER~~~ Always sucha blessing. :)

A peace that surpasses all understanding;

2011-07-21T18:33:00.001+08:00

Once in awhile, I find it important to stock take. I honestly don't really care nor have the time to update anymore. Anything subjective I would wish to speak about is exhausted by the rigour of school life. In short, what remains tends to be the inconsequential emotions that you don't care about. (Not implying that you might care in the first place.)

I guess a lot has changed from two posts ago. But all for the better. That much I know. To understand someone is not merely to just accept what the person is saying but to take it as if you were in that person's shoes and see it from their point of view, failing which indicates that perhaps you never really knew them.To totally go all literature-student on you would be to emphasise how "knowing" and "really knowing" someone is two entirely different things. But to me, there is no need to fight, to prove my point anymore. Some things can't be taught and are best learnt from revelation.

Anyway. That aside. I guess netball can be tough area for me now? Like I'm trying but maybe sometimes ensuring that I've got all angles covered to not make a mistake in a particular area actually makes me slip-up in some other aspect. Which is undoubtedly, frustrating. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I still love the game. But sometimes I feel like it's hard to belong. I don't know my place on court. And I don't seem to know myself very well as a player for me to know my limits and how much to expect from myself with each move. :/ It's hard to explain. I think I need to get to know myself better. And I guess I've really gotta trust God, that if He put me here, He has a plan to build my character. Even if I don't see the results now, I'm going to stick it through. Even if I don't see the results next year, I'm going to be faithful with the little. Even when the little seems littler, I know His promises won't fade.

On a separate note, I'm really thankful for His grace this CTs. Like I really spent so much time playing during the hols I would've been happy to just scrape through CTs, but really, exceedingly, abundantly, above all expectation, He has provided. I missed 15 days of school due to competition and Pre-U Sem. That was like the entire book worth of econs lectures. And I couldn't really match studying for CTs and the fact that it was the June "hols" up since they have always been just holidays until this year. In fact, I Pre-U Sem-ed week 1 away. The second week I nua-ed until like thurs and fri before I actually studied. And it was like nua until can't even remember what I did with my time. And when I'd finally started studying, I went for church camp in week 3. So there was week 3 gone. Not that I regret it. And truly, truly, when you pursue Jesus first, He pursues everything that is important to you too.. :) First half of week 4 was spent at OG chalet and then on Sunday, Melz and I went for first because we realised we really should study at least a little. Better to plant a few seeds than not have anything at all for Him to multiply.

But really my results have been so graced, I can't claim any credit for myself. And this doesn't mean that I won't study because His grace is sufficient, BUT there is always blessing in sowing the right seeds in the right season. And in the season of studies, seeds of studying, I shall sow. In fact, I should probably be studying more in the build up to promos. But as the spirit directs. :)

H1 GP - E

H2 History - E

H2 Economics - D

H2 Literature - S

H1 Math- B

H1 Chinese - B

Total: 44 rank points.

Chinese was like amaaaaaazing. I mean, it's chinese. Totally did not expect a B. Maybe the paper was easier. But even so. WOW. Hahaha. I have to say I was a little disappointed with some of my results but in the end on a whole I did much better than I'd dare expect. And I won't say I'm sad-sad over the ones I thought I could do better for because I didn't prepare much to begin with.

Speaking of which, I think I've really gotta get going with my EoM. Dang. PW- bane of my existence. But help me stay faithful to the things You've placed in my life.

Love,

Debs.

LEGACY CAMP 2011

2011-06-19T23:22:00.000+08:00

Camp was awesome. Not in the way I expected it to be, and in fact I didn't feel it was that awesome while I was still in it, but now, though I've left camp already, I really feel that the seeds sown are already beginning to bear fruit. And I wanna be in this state of praiseinfinity for infinity. :) I couldn't find these songs on the internet so this isn't an actual post but just me posting the lyrics here so I'll remember them. :P HEHEHEEH.

My Heart Overflows

You put a gleam in my eye and put a skip in my step,
when my hope is gone, Lord Your hope remains yet.

You put a song in my mouth and a sword in my hand,
My heart overflows with the goodness of the Lord

Hopeless and lost, I wandered through the night,
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
But Your love broke through, the hardness of my heart.
And now this joy I feel, it cannot be denied!

Shout Hallelujah

I'm Gonnna run with Fire
The good news of the gospel I will speak
I'm gonna fly with the spirit

I'm soaring over mountains of defeat.

Because Jesus you are the Truth that sets me free,
Jesus you are the power in me,
Jesus you fill my heart with praise,
I'm jumping in the river of redeeming grace.

We're gonna Shout Hallelujah Shout Hallelujah
Giving praise to you my God who Reigns

SO. Hi there.

2011-04-20T19:14:00.000+08:00

Apparently, I was consumed in an unexpected hiatus due to the overwhelming nature of a pre-u education. Phewwie.

The past few months have just been wow. I have discovered the beginning of my intense hatred for PW and in fact I've to work on finding yet another case study. ANNOYINGSHITZXZXZ!! Hahahha.

In a sense, I feel like nothing is going as planned and outcomes aren't what I'd typically expected out of my life here. Like some things I stepped into JC with are quickly being replaced because the people around me have taught me otherwise and I guess in this particular aspect it's good.

But other than that, like I guess I feel it's kinda hard to adjust when I used to be involved in so much in sec school and like when I realised it, it was really His favour upon me but now I've come to a point where it seems like it isn't there anymore. And though I'd hate to admit coz it sounds so. urgh. but still. The fact that is that I do feel it.

What I've realised, after a number of unspoken and shrugged off disappointments, is that maybe all the while I'd still been looking to my own human effort, my own eloquence, my past credentials and personal achievements when the very fact is that when I look to my arm of flesh, I turn away from His grace and unmerited favour. In a sense, I feel like continually God is building me up in this area, not to hold on to the tangibles but to trust in the ever-true Word. Can you feel like a victor even when you don't have the victory yet? I don't think I've fully grasped the concept of that. But in a sense I guess it's about knowing I'm loved, knowing that I'm special, knowing that I'm able, even when it doesn't appear so, even when I feel like crap.

I feel like I've really been brought into the wilderness- there's nothing here for me to hold on to, at times even God may seem to be far off, but yet I must know that He is with me, He will never leave nor forsake me and because of that I will not fear. I feel like there's so much resistance from all around, but maybe that's because I have failed to acknowledge and put serious action into the desire that God has placed in my heart from before all these other distractions evaded- the desire to serve and to be a blessing. And when you choose to seek the most important thing in your life, He illuminates all the other things that are important to you as well. :)

MSAs were a really-just-scrape-through-by-God's-grace because I got 3 Us. And yet I still managed to clear MSAs. In fact, my last grade I received which was for Econs was exactly what I needed to clear my rank points.

H2 History - E (I hesitated because I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing but when I didn't hesitate in my second attempt, I got a B instead. X.X)
H2 Economics - B (ONE mark away from an A. Never mind. He's the author and the perfector!)
H2 Literature - U (The whole cohort got U's)
H1 Math - U (OOPZ. HAHA)
H1 General Paper - B (ONE mark away. AGAIN.)
H1 Chinese - U (I CANT DO CHI COMPRE!!!! D: )

Total: 36 rank points!!!
YAYAYAYAY!!! HAHAHAHAHAH.

Love,
Debs.

IS-RAELI AWESOME. :)

2011-01-14T23:17:00.003+08:00

I NEED to document my trip to Israel. Seriously. It's so good I don't wanna forget a single part of it. SO... Since I'm so infrequently here, I'll add more and more to this post gradually and soon, it will be a full documentation of my experience in the Holy Land. :) But I'll only choose ONE picture to represent each place coz with thousands of photos, it's too tough to upload coz like. ya. HAHAHA. Okay.

DAY ONE~~
So after approximately 15 hours of flying time(Thai Airways, El Al) we finally arrived at Tel Aviv International Airport and I tell you I was super excited for the rest of the day and trip. I mean, it's Israel. HAHAH. My flight was quite bad because of a rather rude, inconsiderate and totally stuck up passenger that I was sitting beside but let's not emphasise on that, nevertheless, that was a rather traumatic long flight experience. I mean, 11 hours next to the dude. At least I had Barn with me. HAHA. If it were Sam and I we'd be damn emo. xD

Our first stop was breakfast!Lotsa cheeses, yum yum, but a bit strong. HAHA. And Isaiah was still grappling with facing his fear of food poisoning. Super funny! HAHAHAH.

Mount of Precipice
Our first site, where the crowd wanted to force Jesus off the cliff on counts of blasphemy but you know, nobody could take His life, He laid down His life. No one could take His life until it was the time and it's a really cool image of Jesus because He simply walked away. A bit too excited here I think, coz I couldn't really pay attention! But it was the first site!!! Hahahaha.

Then we went to Nazareth Biblical Village, a scaled "remake" of Nazareth in Jesus' time. It was so awesome. Like a small garden tomb, people role-playing sheperds, houses, professions of old and even animals like donkeys and sheep. What I really liked was the sheepfold. It's a enclosure without a gate and the sheep are kept in there because the sheperd sleeps at the entrance and acts as a gate, preventing the sheep from running away and preventing predators from getting to the sheep.

It's a really beautiful picture of how Jesus is our sheperd, He leads us by still waters(Pslam 23) and He protects us, if anything wants to get to us, it has to go through Him, the good sheperd, first. And knowing Him, He'll never let harm come near us because He loves us.

Also, we saw the process of making olive oil. The first pressing produces the extra virgin oil which is used in the temple and for anointing, this is what Jesus went through in the Garden of Gethsemane. The second pressing is used for cooking and is a picture of the healing that Jesus released for us when He was scourged at the scourging post. Oil from the third press is used for cleaning/washing purposes and it's the picture of the final pressing at the cross.

Despite the increasing pressure, Jesus stayed through the perfect, complete pressing to redeem us from the curse of the law.

Then we headed for lunch. Which still felt really weird at the time coz since Israel is 6 hours behind SG time, it was about 8pm and there we were, sitting under the sun by the sea of Galilee, eating St. Peter's fish, which by the way, tastes really good the way they cook it. With pita bread, humus and various stuff. Except a lot of us, pampered as we are, don't know how to eat fish properly. AND we each had one fish. I could manage the first side but after that I couldn't get the bones out, so... Gideon the Fishmaster had to help basically everyone at our table manage the bones. But he super zai. Can pull out the whole set of bones. HAHA. Maybe that's just zai to us noobie fish eaters. Hahahaha. And on a side note, Zephan likes soft bread. It makes him happy. HAHAHAHAH.

The landscape in Israel, as expected, is very different from here in SG. The roads are surrounded with cliffs, seas, animals, valleys and vegetation. But it's pretty nice being surrounded by nature. :) The first day was meant to have quite a number of sites but seeing as our flight was delayed about 2 hours due to El Al's extremely strict and tight security checks which includes asking every passenger questions, we only managed our last site for the day which is the Church of St. Peter's Primacy, along the sea of Galilee.

This is the place that Jesus after His resurrection, restored Peter who had denied Him three times. When Jesus told the disciples to cast their net to the right side, they caught 153 fish and the Hebrew alphabets for 153 make up the sentence "I AM THE LORD". How cool right? Even the numbers point to Jesus. And truly, this is the place of love where Jesus reminds us that no matter how badly we've failed, despite our short comings, despite things that disqualify us, He still loves us and He still has a purpose for us. He can use a person that has failed by the world's standards and turn him into something great like what He did for Peter.

This is the 3rd time Jesus shows Himself after His resurrection(John 21:1)
And in this way He showed Himself.
Grace + love even when Peter failed, He was brought back to the place he was broken and restored by Jesus. He brought Peter back to his first love- fishing.

Bring the fish that YOU have just caught. (John 21:10)
Even when He helps us, He lets us have the credit. :)
Your failures and weaknesses cannot overcome His grace. Only when Peter was honest about himself was Jesus able to use him because he depended on God's love and supply, not his own efforts + abilities. Jesus'll meet you at the place of your failure and backsliding.

DAY TWO~~
Mount of Beatitudes
Capernaum
Golan Heights(Bashan) + View of Mount Hermon

Caesarea Philippi
Mount Arbel

Ancient Boat Museum

The Galilee Experience

DAY THREE~~

Boat Ride on the Sea of Galilee

River Jordan

Dead Sea Float

Night in the Judean Desert

DAY FOUR~~

City of David

Hezekiah's Tunnel

Pool of Siloam

The Upper Room

The Church of St. Peter in Gallicantu

DAY FIVE~~

Mount of Olives

Dominus Flevit

Garden of Gethsemane

Old City of Jerusalem
Pool of Bethesda(Church of St. Anne)

Lithostratos/ Ecco Homo Arch

Ramparts Walk

The Israel Museum + Holyland Model

DAY SIX~~

Zorah/ Eshtaol

Kiriath Jearim

Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum

SHOPPING~~ @ Ben Yehuda

DAY SEVEN~~

The Temple Mount

Western Wall

Southern Temple Mount

Jewish Quarters

Temple Mount Salvage Operations

DAY EIGHT~~
The Garden Tomb

The Valley of Elah

The Road to Emmaus*

2011...

2011-01-13T18:47:00.002+08:00

That's the theme for this year. And that doesn't even mean that restful increase ends there. This year, we're gonna step through the breakthrough because in 2011, You crown the year with Your goodness, And Your paths drip with abundance(Pslam 65:11).

Awesome eh? Anyway, as the hot topic has been for the past couple-a days, O level results! Truly, Daddy God has carried me through and I believe that He has already prepared a place for me that no one can take away. He's given me the score to ascend to the place He wants me to be to position me for maximum blessings, minimum problems! :D

I would say I did well, maybe not that well, considering with the small amount of tuition and the many commitments I had, maybe if I wasn't spread so thin I would've done better in the academic sense, but I think I had a very fulfilling life in Tanglin. Truly a holistic experience. My lowest grade is B3, which makes my cert look super nice and truly, Daddy God has brought me from glory to glory. You never backslide when you bring God into the picture, you only ever move forward. And I truly have. At PSLE, I had 3 As and a C. Now I've eliminated C from my results. And with God there's no where to go but up so I'm expecting straight As at the A levels and then moving to a perfect GPA in University because Jesus is the author and the perfector.

English Lang- A1
I really did a screw up in the SW component. I wrote to the wrong audience. And right after that, I told few people about it because I didn't want to focus on the mistake but to focus on the perfection that is in Jesus. Suffice to say, this was really a "graced" paper and truly, even in your strengths, you need God. And the wonderful thing is, He never fails us. :)

Literature in English- A1
After the first paper. I felt so screwy coz I hadn't practiced Literature essays in a long time so I was feeling shitty. BUT, I prayed for restoration for the second paper. And really, He performs, Jesus was thinking through my head and writing through my hands coz the 2nd paper became so effortless I still had time to read the other texts that my school didn't teach. He never fails to restore and His restoration is always way greater than the original product.

Combined Humanities (Hist/SS)- A2
I was still scoring B4 for CH at prelims but really, Daddy God is faithful to perform because I didn't think I had written awesome essays compared to my normal standard. I wasn't sure about my SBQ answers, as usual. But God who's the same yesterday, today and forever, will never let me down.

Mathematics- A2
I wanted an A1 and I was sure I would get it coz I had at least 95% of the answers, but I guess Daddy God was in the works to give me the score to be placed in the right place. :)

Physics- B3
I really thank God for working through my tutors to get the info and concepts into my head because at prelims I was still getting C6 kay!!! Hahahahah. Not by might, nor by power, but by the Holy Spirit. (Zechariah 4:6)

Chemistry- B3
Biology- A2
Add. Math- B3
Chinese- B3

I was just saying to my mom that it was really by His grace, especially since I got five distinctions- the number of grace! Anyway, as a close a chapter here I'm really thankful for having had Daddy God walk every step of the journey with me even when it felt like He wasn't there. I am really thankful for the teachers and friends that have been placed in my life that were really pillars of support and sources of encouragement, true blessings from above. :)

Tomorrow's the deadline for the submission of our JAE choices. The conflict has been resolved too. :) At first I felt as if ACJC was really the place for me, like it's the best place. But I think God gently turned my heart towards SAJC. Because I suddenly felt a greater peace and an inclination in my heart towards SA. At first I felt confused because I'd wanted to be in AC for so long, but afterwards I realised that hey, I only feel confused because I'm trying to fight the fact that my long-time desire has ultimately faded. And then it became pretty clear.

I still have to wait for the posting results and I don't know for sure whether SAJC's the place for me, but like how I entered Tanglin because I missed my previous choice by one point, I believe God has His ways to direct me in the right path. After all, I do believe that He has really grown me more in my years in Tanglin and given me many opportunities than anywhere else. I'm on SA's 2010 COP so it may be risky but I believe that God has prepared a place for me, whether or not it is in SA, and that place that He has reserved for me will not be taken by anyone else because just as He has placed every star in the night sky in their perfect places, He has a perfect place for me.

There He will grow me and build me to reach the great calling He has in my life. :)

_____________________________________________

Remember this? :D It's all the things I had been hoping for in 2011 and really, Daddy God has fulfilled and more than fulfilled.

#1. Rest :)
I really, truly experienced rest and the increase that comes with it because the O levels were really just smooth sailing- on Jesus boat!! I didn't paddle and sweat and tire because it became effortless when I allowed Daddy God to take 'O'ver! :)

#2. An even greater revelation of Daddy God's love for me.

I think 2010 was really the year I spent more time with Daddy God, talking to Him and spending time in the word and truly that gives revelation. Revelation isn't head knowledge, it's heart knowledge.

#3. Get into ACJC.

#4. Get 6 for L1R2B2, 7 for L1R5.

I think that these are expectations that God has truly surpassed. On one hand, in the natural I got 6 for L1R2B2 so Daddy God has clearly met it. But looking at the less obvious thing, scoring 9 for L1R5 was God's means of putting me in the right place. And wherever I end up, He will cause all things to work together for my good. (Romans 8:28)

#5. Continue playing netball. :)

#6. Go overseas with my gals.

I guess I'm still playing netball. So that's not really an expectation. And I didn't get to go overseas with my gfs but I think God knew that I needed to spend some time at home and back in SG too considering He did fulfill #7 and #9. :D

#7. GOISRAEL 2010 with Almighties!!!

You HAVE delivered, You HAVE provided. Truly it was probably the best experience in my life. I didn't want to come home. The boat ride on the sea of Galilee "Peace, Be still", calming my heart. Alone time in the Judean Desert when I heard Daddy God tell me, "Just as the numerous stars are perfectly in place, I will put you in the perfect place". The Garden of Gethsemane, He went through the pain for me, He did everything for me, because He loves me.

#8. Grow to 172cm (By my 18th b'Day)!! Lalalala~

This one's still work in progress but I believe I'll still be growing!!!! HAHAHAH. Hope doesn't disappoint. (Romans 5: 5)

#9. Go for Netball trip @ KL

My parents blessed me by allowing me to go for the trip and paying for all the costs. I took it as a christmas present but still they gave me something additional for christmas and I guess Daddy God's really been blessing me through my parents and also He has blessed me with wonderful, awesome parents. :)

And not to mention, Daddy God really gives you a harvest for what little seed you sow. The little seed I sowed as a tithe at the beginning of 2010 multiplied into a great harvest- Israel trip + money, monetary blessings from people, special allowances from my parents, Edusave awards. I calculated. About 70X what I sowed, AT LEAST. Sowing is just giving God the opportunity to bless you even more. :)

Love,
Debs.
[Whom Your anointing is upon to be a conqueror and co-heir with Christ]

A Year of Restful Increase,

2010-12-31T10:44:00.000+08:00

And next year, Daddy God's gonna better our best.

Hi. I've been so busy over the past months having fun and etc that I haven't even been here and ironically, I spent less time here compared to when I was actually still having exams. Well, suffice to say, Daddy God has more than been with me every step of this so-called, most stressful year I've been through and He'll be faithful to carry me through my results and beyond.

I've really been very blessed over this year. Anything I've given to God, He's more than given back. Anything I've lost, He's restored and is restoring. For all the stress I was to face, I took His in a beautiful exchange for My yoke is easy, My burden is light.

I think one of the highlights was truly getting the chance to go to Israel and some experiences like the boat ride on the Sea of Galilee, sleeping in the Judean desert and being in the Garden of Gethsemane (to name the most impactful), have really just been healing and comforting experiences.

In the last 24 hours, things that had been bugging me for days before, were set into motion. Irreversible motion. But here I am trying to get back on the the beaten path and I guess it's just gonna bring me to a new level with Daddy God. Peace, be still.

I guess the new year brings many new things and though I'll miss the things and the people who've been part of my 2010 but whether or not we like it, the earth keeps spinning, night turns to day and 2010 crawls away. I'm really thankful to all the beautiful people who've been there for me and who've really just seen me through the toughest of times.

I've no idea when I'll post again because my list of activities doesn't seem to ever run out. I haven't even gotten the chance to movie marathon with myself!!! xD This is my last post for this year, Blessed New Year. :)

Love,
Debs [Beloved child of Daddy God]

Shine Your light, be that city of light;

2010-11-14T11:27:00.000+08:00

We're gonna shout out loud, it's time to let it out,

It's Your life in me for all to see,

Coz our God reigns always,

Till the end of days,

We're gonna stand strong, stand tall

Coz Jesus Christ is Lord of all.

SO. I am one day before the end of the O levels. I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY. ~~~ Hahahahaha. And this has really been a journey of just letting the shepherd take the lead and to carry me and pick me up whenever I wasn't good enough, whenever my strength was abated. And it still is a journey. A never-ending one. Which is why I'm no longer counting up. Haha.

Now I'm not too sure where I want to go after Tanglin but instead of just feeling "must go AC, must go AC", I feel like I know He has prepared a place for me in the school that He knows is best for me. Ultimately it may still be ACJC but whether or not it is, I believe that He will somehow position me in the school He wants me to be in, because He has gone ahead before me and He says it is good. And it's not as if I don't know that His plan is better and He has a way to lead us down the paths to lie by green pastures and rivers of living water. :)

For me, when I made my choices of secondary school four years ago, I missed my 2nd choice by 1, ONE point. But in the end, I think God had opportunities and great friends for me to meet in Tanglin. I didn't know it then, but I know it now. Likewise for my bro, He'd always wanted to do air rifle as a CCA but after praying about it, he went to sleep and the CCA form had to be submitted the next day. When he woke up he decided to change it to rock climbing and now, he's like gotten nationals 1st.

So really, I guess when you let God and let go of the need to make your own decisions, He will put you in a place to grow you. You'll never be put in a place where you don't need God so when you find it's tough, it's just coz He's gonna work something spectacular out for you.

Well, this may be my last post in some time (but then again every time I say that I come back soon and ironically whenever I give no warning I disappear for ages so don't take my word for it. xD) because I'm super packed like all the way to 29th Nov at least. Then two days later I'm going for a Revive trip to M'sia for a week. I'll be back for 1.5 weeks and then I'll be in Israel for another 10 days. By then it'll be 30th Dec. So yeah. It's like restoration for all the times we've given up fun for studying over the past 10 months. Hehehe.

I suppose now that we've finished the actual battle we're just all anticipating the results and I just believe that what God has started in our lives, He will be faithful to complete, to fulfill, to perfect. The results will be glorious and our papers have already been marked with such favour and grace overflowing.

Love,

Debs [ Deeply loved, highly favoured and greatly blessed. ]

If my heart has grown cold,

2010-11-01T20:31:00.000+08:00

There Your love will unfold,

As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

When I'm blind to my way,

There Your spirit will pray,

As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

Oceans will part,

Nations come,

At the whisper of Your call,

Hope will rise,

Glory shown,

In my life, Your will be done.

| 1 November 2010. Day One-Hundred of my faith journey with Daddy God. |

So today I finished another three papers and it was really by God's grace because at the end of literature paper two, my hand was as good as amputated, but Melodi and I believed that our strength would be restored and that we would run and not grow weary, we would walk and not faint. And God is faithful because I didn't realise at first, but after awhile during my Physics paper, it struck me that my arm wasn't aching. :)

Well, now I'm sleepy and tomorrow will be an entire day of mugging for Bio and Hist which are the day after but that means I'll be moving home, and that also means Os'll be over in 2 weeks! :D What I can say is that I wasn't really prepared for lit coz I hadn't written an essay for ages, but then I prayed that Daddy God would restore in my paper 2 and I really think He did because everything came much more naturally and I managed to finish ahead of time, in fact. He over-provides and restores in abundance. :) Even though I don't feel that good about paper 1, I believe that whatever I feel, His favour was on me and it will be good because of His grace. And with paper two it will be even better because it's just His grace upon grace.

The past two weeks have just been super encouraging services that have really kept my hope and faith levels up throughout this examination and it's just so timely to refresh us for each wave of the examinations. Awesome. Well, it's almost over and I can't wait! Especially with the upcoming netball trip and the Israel trip which Daddy God has provided for! :D

Love,

Debs. [Whom He is blessing and has blessed exceedingly, abundantly above every expectation.]

Let Hope arise,

2010-10-29T18:26:00.000+08:00

And darkness tremble,
In Your holy light.

Break down our pride,
And all the walls we've built up inside,
Our earthly crowns and all our desires,
We lay at Your feet.

| 29 October 2010. Day Ninety-Seven of my faith journey with God. |

So here we are again at the original slack day. I should totally get a bubble tea to reward myself for having completed the week. :D HAHAHAHAH. Well, we've completed the most hard-core week of the O levels and next week we've just two days of examinations but they are quite hard-core days in and of themselves luh. Just that we've two days to prepare for Physics and Literature and a day before the exam to prepare more for History and Biology. Seven papers down, eleven to go. Well, Chemistry today was easier than expected. Like a lot easier. Maybe that's why it's so hard to get an A1, but nonetheless, He will deliver, He will provide. And after this first week of exams, I'm kinda aiming to get A1 for everything now. Like I know it's hard and I know that's like almost impossible. Like what, one person got 9 A1's last year? But I don't know. It never hurt to aim high. And I don't wanna limit Daddy God.

I got off to a kinda bumpy start with the English paper, but hey, I'm not gonna talk about it because it's no point emphasizing on the what if's when I know that I'm going to score nonetheless because I put my hope and my trust in God and hope doesn't disappoint. Plus, though I am normally pretty proficient in the English language, when I continue to do well this time around it just goes to show that even man's mistakes can't outdo Daddy God's favour and His thumbprints on our lives. I say 'when' because I intend to do well and I believe that He'll help me get the grade I want. Anyway, He restored the rest of the days to me and I feel like the rest of the week hit it off pretty well. :)

Now, about the bell curve. I'm just trusting in the fact that He has declared me to be above and not beneath. ;)

Today will be my half-sabbath. Tomorrow evening will be the other half. After an entire week of studying, papers after papers, I think I need a break. :D

Love,
Debs. [ If God is for me, who can be against? ]

Who shall I fear?

2010-10-28T11:40:00.000+08:00

I am Yours.

| 28 October 2010. Day Ninety-Six of my faith journey with God. |

SO. I've completed E math and I won't have to touch it ever again! :D ... for the next 3 months maybe. HAHA. Anyways, I really have a confident expectation for E math because uhm. The paper was easy. HAHA. And also coz I really minimised my careless mistakes. Or rather Daddy God helped me with that. When I was checking the first round, I didn't really see anything wrong with the numbers etc. And then I thought it'd be fine. But Daddy God prompted me to check a second round and to really pay attention to particular questions and I saved like 12 marks because of that second round. And I didn't even look at all the questions at first, I only looked at a few, only after I realised there were actually quite a few that I did a proper second round. So truly He's with me and the Holy Spirit really just keeps and eye out for me to see the things that I hadn't seen on my own, in and of myself. :)

Even for E math paper 1 there was this particular 'explain' question that I knew no shit about. And I'd given up on it after checking round 2 since these things were kinda subjective, either you see it or you don't. But somehow, five minutes before the end of the paper, I felt this nudging inside of me to turn back to that question and immediately, I realised what the answer was. It's really supernatural and I know I never would have thought of it on my own. Y'know, people may think that "how the heck" can God help me in the middle of the exams? The things I've learnt, I'll know, if I missed them out I wouldn't know. But I believe that Daddy God can bring to our remembrance all things and even if the tiniest figment of our intelligence remembers something vague, He will restore the memory of it and He will multiply everything that we bring to Him, that we commit to Him.

A math is a hurdle. I only started to get decent grades this prelim and I have so many subjects so once I stabilised my A math I didn't spend as much time on it as I had before. But I believe that whatever it is, He delivers. He multiplies. He restores. He makes my understanding complete. He makes my wisdom perfect. He does the paper for me without careless mistakes. He's a God of revelation and He'll give me revelation in A Math as well. No Goliath can come before me undefeated. And today, I will just move with such a revelation of peace, such an assurance that hey, Jesus is in my boat, and this boat ain't going down. I know that any enemy that comes before me will flee before me seven ways. So today and tomorrow, when I, like the tiny David, go out to face one of my biggest Goliaths, A Math, it is not me but He who is in me. And I'll fight this battle as the beloved of the Lord in Christ, knowing my covenant with my Daddy God and surely, God will provide what I need for the A1. :)

Love,

Debs.

[ Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for Deborah", says the Lord, "They are plans for GOOD and not for disaster, to give Deborah a FUTURE and a HOPE." ]

You are my God.

2010-10-26T18:07:00.001+08:00

Because You're with me,
Because You love me,

I will not fear.

| 26 October 2010. Day Ninety-Four of my faith journey with God. |

I have decided not to go on FB frequently. Like maybe once a week and at the end, at that. Because FB has become a depressing place where everyone tends to lament about their careless mistakes and the things that they should have done, etc. You may say that ignorance is bliss, but it's not just that. It can be beneficial. I don't wanna let the negative thoughts rub off on me. Whether or not I think I did well, I don't care about what I think, what I do care about is what my Daddy God says, and He says that it is good. So whether I feel good or not, I'm not gonna let my feelings get in the way of my confession that it will all be good and I'm not going to let my feelings get in the way of the good things that God has already accomplished. :)

And thus forth, I am staying away from FB. Till the weekends. :D Because then the density of God's word that I receive in Dare and during service will totally outweigh what I see and hear. Plus, everyone's much more happy during the weekends, so they're less likely to be in a mood for lamenting. HAHA. xD

I've conquered three papers and I'm ready to slay my goliaths with my five stones of grace! Heehee. ALSO. It's about 2/3 of a month till the end of Os!!! LALALALALA~ 20 days more. I'm really looking forward to it. The rest of the days will be rest. I mean, moving out of rest. Not by might, not by power, but by the Holy Spirit. ;D

Love,
Deborah. [ Whom God will direct. ]

So how do I feel...

2010-10-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

about the fact that it's the night before the O levels?

| 24 October 2010. Day Ninety-Two of my faith journey with God. |

Well, the journey is just gonna be glorious and enjoyable. Y'know, I had my doubts when I typed that I'd get six points in my previous post, but then today, I learnt about the five results from being justified by faith. And the fifth one really spoke to me. Hope will never put you to shame. When you have bible hope, when you put your hopes, your dreams, your trust in the hands of your Daddy God, He will never put you to shame. Hope doesn't disappoint because the love of God is poured out on us. And hope is the joyful and confident expectation of good things to come. So you know, with God, He never leaves any room for doubt, and even though He never has to prove Himself to us because He knows that He is good, He proves Himself to us through the word to remind us that He IS good.

I just believe that even though there is the occasional wavering, and though we are not infallible to the 'what if's, I just believe that Daddy God has already taken care of it. When I stepped into 2010, He had long completed my O levels and He says that it is good. I'll rest on His love, upheld by His strength. I'm just looking forward to seeing what God's gonna do because it ain't my problem. When something's too big for me, if something is capable of giving me stress, then I'm giving it to my heavenly Father who cares for me. The victory is mine but the battle is the Lord's. Hosanna, hosanna.

Love,
Debs. [More than a conqueror in Christ. The head and not the tail, above and not beneath. A consecrated people. Loved by the father. Highly favoured, deeply loved and greatly blessed. His favour surrounds me like a shield. He's my sheperd and He leads me by still waters. He is My God in Whom I trust. :) ]

Perfection took our place;

2010-10-22T10:30:00.000+08:00

When only love,

Could make a way,

You gave Your life,

In a beautiful exchange.

When only love,

Could break these chains,

You gave Your life,

In a beautiful exchange.

| 22 October 2010. Day Ninety of my faith journey with God. |

HUHUHU! 3 more days to the O levels. Or as something Jerry might say, 72 hours, 4320 minutes, 259200 seconds. Oops. There goes one. 259199. There goes another. 259198. Yeah. You get the point. It's a strange mix of excitement and nervousness, but I won't base it on feeling but on God's word and His high calling for me.

It's coming so quickly. And very honestly, I've not had enough time to really buck up my Physics because I've only had like what, five tuition sessions? But you know what, it doesn't matter, because where there is less of me, there is more of Him. And in fact, even in the areas where there is seemingly a lot of my ability/talent, I believe that it's not mine, but He that is in me. I wouldn't want it to be by my ability anyway, because man's results can only go that far. But God's results exceeds expectation. When we rest God works. When we strive, He rests. So I'll give it all to Him and put Him in the midst of my storms to command a peace over the raging seas. In the midst of my situation. When I do well at the O levels, it's not to do with me but all to do with Him because unless God builds the house, they labour in vain that build it, unless God keeps the city, the watchmen wake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early; to take rest late, to eat the bread of toil; He has given unto His beloved sleep. (Psalms 127: 1-2). Whoever God raises, no man can demote, and whoever God abases, no man can abound. Without Him, I am nothing, I can do nothing, but with Him, He is everything that I need and I am able because He is able.

Sometimes the occasional thought of worry slinks around my head, but then I don't speak it, because I am not going to magnify my worry and let my heart be troubled, stopping Daddy God's supply, I'm gonna guard my heart with His love and the truth of His provision, even if I don't see it yet, and I know that Daddy God will guard everything else. Just like Peter, when He kept His eyes on Jesus, He W.O.Wed- walked on water. I'll live that kind of life. Because when you look to Him, all things are possible. No doubt, the winds will howl and the waves will roll, if you look down at your surroundings, you will surely sink, but when you choose to look to Jesus in spite of the surrounding situation, you will walk on water, no matter how choppy it may be.

I just believe that this exam is His, and the results I receive are all for the glory of His name. There are short-comings and things I may have missed out during my revision or things I somehow cannot understand, but whatever it is, He has been made unto me wisdom and His wisdom is not of this world, in the examination hall I'm merely writing what is inspired of the Holy Spirit and brought to my remembrance. It will be glorious. :)

Just as King Solomon received wisdom in His sleep, so have I. Just as He sustained the wisdom through the worship of the Lord, so will I.

Love,
Debs. [Who has the mind of Christ.]

I have never...

2010-10-20T10:23:00.001+08:00

... walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet
But, at Your word Lord,
I receive Your faith to walk on oceans deep.

| 20 October 2010. Day Eighty-Eight of my faith journey with God. |

I'm just so waiting for O levels to be here and over. Now it's about five more days to the O levels and I'm really anticipating moving back to my house and etc. I've packed already. xD HAHAHAHAH. I just miss home. A lot. And my family. And my big bed. And my room. HAHAH. xD

Anyway, from time to time, I still feel as if I'm not completely well-prepared for all my subjects. Like there are definitely some doubts here and there but for example, for Chemistry, I've no idea why, but I suddenly feel much clearer about the concepts and what i need to write in my answer. Especially for the paper 2 part. And that's really amazing coz I've just been practicing papers but I believe that Daddy God has had a part to play in this because He's really just filled me with wisdom and opened up my mind to receive all the things that I need to remember.

Sometimes, I can't help but feel a bit worry over whether I am well prepared enough for everything. But then, just do it scared I guess. HAHA. And just believe that since I have spoken blessings over my life, since I have spoken good results over my life, even though while I'm saying it, I may not completely believe it, but when I depend on His grace, He turns around and sees me in my faith, however little there is. And I believe that out of speaking, an assurance will bloom in my heart that will give rise to letting god take care of making it a reality.

Even should the wind and the waves howl and roll, I'm in the boat. And even if I am to fall, I fall in the boat. And since Jesus is in my boat, there will be an overabundance of supply and there will be peace to the storm. :) I guess sometimes it's not about just believing, but choosing to look to Daddy God, choosing not to look at your circumstance and dwelling on them so much that the swell up into problems that you overestimate when the fact is that GOD is bigger than ANY problem and when you remember and act as if He is the only thing that matters, even if you're unsure you act and speak as if you know that He is the biggest deciding factor, you give Him the opportunity to step into your situation, to turn your evil day into a day of rejoicing, to turn every testing into a testimony, to make every challenge a breeding ground for miracles and God-like results. This is our God.

I choose to look to You my Lord,
You've ransomed me,
Lifted me up,
When I am weak,
Then I am strong,
I cast my cares,
On You alone.

I sing hosanna,
I sing hosanna,
Your selfless love reversed my shame,
I sing hosanna,
I sing hosanna,
Salvation's gift is mine to claim.

So even though I know that in and of myself I'm not that good, I'm not that smart, but I know that because I'm in Him and He's in me, I can't help but do well. I can't help but hit the mark, because never once has Jesus missed the mark or even gone the slightest bit off the mark. And as He is, so am I in this world. Though I don't see it from my own effort, I just believe that as I speak, so shall I receive. And I just know that somehow, I'll get six points!

Love,
Debs. [ Whom the Lord shall make the head and not the tail, above only and not beneath, ]

The power of...

2010-10-17T22:43:00.000+08:00

prayer.

| 17 October 2010. Day Eighty-Five of my faith journey with God. |

You know. It was really awesome today. Because like after I went shopping, Nicole and I decided to cab back since it was kinda late and when we approached the taxi stand there were, what, twenty over people ahead of us? Straightaway, well equipped with today's takings from Sunday service, I prayed that lotsa cabs would come quickly so that it will be our turn fast and Nicole and I said AMEN. If two or more should agree on earth, it shall be done.

Once we actually reached the end of the taxi queue, two cabs came in. Obviously not enough, but one was going to CCK, in the direction we wanted to go. But you know, looking at the queue, all that was necessary was ONE person that wanted to go in that direction or was smart/bold enough to ask and we'd have to wait. But no. The cab came closer and closer to us and when we said Jurong East, the cabbie told us to hop on. We'd not even been at the stand for one minute and our prayers had been answered. So you know, God could've done things in a seemingly more natural way, like a sudden onslaught of available cabs, but then again, He IS the Most High God and He does have a way of showing His beloved children that you know, you don't have to look at things the way the world does but you can expect that when you pray, when you realease your faith SURELY your prayers will be answered with results that are exceedingly, abundantly, above every expectation. Cool beans, man, cool beans. ;) HAHAHAH.

You know, it's the final week of preparation before the O levels and honestly, I feel so restful it scares me. HAHA, I've been doing quite a lot of work physically, practicing as many papers as possible, but I've been sleeping lots too and just enjoying the journey seeing that God has already fought AND won the battle for me. During the live recording event last evening, I Sing Hosanna, I really believe that right then and there, in that two hours that I took away from my studies to worship at His feet, to allow Him to have His way and pour blessings overflowing into my life, in those two hours, MY Daddy God was setting ambushes against my enemies, just as He did for the children of Israel when they put the musicians and worshippers in front of their army to sing praises to the Lord. I believe in that time that I set aside to MAGNIFY God and not the problem, even with what little you have, when you see Him in His grace, He turns around and sees you in your FAITH.

Today's sermon was really good. SPEAK what you want to see. Your mind is activated by your words so only confess awesome things over your life! Even when God created the world, He didn't do what us humans would do. When there was no light He didn't say, "WAH. So dark ah" but He said "LIGHT BE!" and light was. He always spoke what He wanted to see. Y'know, in life we tend to look at the problems, looking at the giants, the lack, we fail to look at Daddy God and remember that God has GIVEN the land! What God gives can never be taken away by man or demon.

In the parable of the mustard seed in the book of Matthew, 'Say' is mentioned THRICE whereas 'believe' is only mentioned once! This shows how much emphasis our God puts in the words of our mouth in which the power of life and death lie. 'Abracadabra' means 'I create as I speak'. So speak the right things over your life!

I AM ________________________
Don't look at the natural when you fill in the blank. Look at the place of high calling that Daddy God has appointed and the things you wish to be blessed with. Our Daddy God wants to pour out His heart for you, full of love and of blessings. It's up to you to ask and to take claim. You can ask for the little things because you don't want to be "greedy" and that's what you'll get. But it is your Father's heart to bless you so He is still able to GIVE even if you ask for big things. It's not as if He is unable to give to both you and another person and that that person would suffer if you ask for too much. No, quite the contrary, the more you take, the more He has and the only reason people don't take is because they don't know their standing and inheritance in Christ. When you ask for little, you're looking down on His supply, on His abilities.

So as I enter into the last 7 (number of PERFECTION!!) days of preparation, so I just know that these days are gonna be so full of wisdom, so full of knowledge, so full of His perfection and grace, so full of all of the blessings of Deutronom 28. It's just gonna be so awesome because I have an awesome God who's just gonna take me from glory to glory by His grace and by His unmerited favour. I guess I'm irrevocably saved! HAHAHAH. Nothing can ever take me out from this place of right standing with God and from His heart of love by which the true definition is not that we loved Him, but that He first loved us. And just wow. I'm full of revelation today. Y'know, I could totally live on His word and really every week I step out of church spiritually full but still wanting MORE. HAHAH. What a glutton. Ah, well. Just keep on taking and taking and taking. Draw from the one with the limitless supply and you will find that nothing you set your hand to will return void and every result that is birthed forth is a God-kind of result that no man, out of His own human strength, can ever attain. :)

Love,
Deborah. [Whom Jesus has been made unto wisdom.]

Deutronomy 28

2010-10-13T09:54:00.004+08:00

| 13 October 2010. Day Eighty-One of my faith journey with God. |

Just another 12 days more to the Os!! Strangely, unlike usual, I'm unable to really concentrate in the morning. And I was fretting over it because everyone's like, "must adjust your body clock to the exam hours...." etc. And then I realised that, you know what, it doesn't matter for me. Because what I speak will manifest. And I believe that it won't affect me because in Deutronomy 28, it says that:

1 "Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth.

² And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God:

³ “Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country.

⁴ “Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks.

⁵ “Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.

⁶ “Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.

⁷ “The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before your face; they shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.

⁸ “The LORD will command the blessing on you in your storehouses and in all to which you set your hand, and He will bless you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you.

⁹ “The LORD will establish you as a holy people to Himself, just as He has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the LORD your God and walk in His ways.

¹⁰ Then all peoples of the earth shall see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they shall be afraid of you.

¹¹ And the LORD will grant you plenty of goods, in the fruit of your body, in the increase of your livestock, and in the produce of your ground, in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give you.

¹²The LORD will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season, and to bless all the work of your hands. You shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow.

¹³ And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them.

I'm just gonna really meditate on all the blessings of Deutronomy 28 because really, our God is an awesome God and He left no area of our lives unaccounted for. When He blesses, He doesn't merely bless but He causes blessings to come upon and overtake. No matter where you go, the blessing follows you whether you're in the city or the country. It's not the place you set yourself in but the fact that we are a consecrated people.

You know, He also blesses the produce of your ground and even for the increase of your herds. It's like He doesn't just bless you, but He blesses those around you and whatever belongs to you to prosper in every which way possible.

Blessed be your basket and your kneading bowl, I'll never go hungry again, :3 You see what a great God He is? He doesn't just care about the big things but He also has concern toward the smaller things. At the same time, He doesn't merely focus on the necessities but He blesses us exceedingly, abundantly, above every expectation.

Whether you come in or go out, blessings follow you and those who rise against you shall be defeated before you; they shall come out against you in one way and flee before you seven ways. It's not our battle the fight. The victory is mine but the battle is the Lord's! He prepares a table for us in the midst of our enemies. Daddy God not only commands blessings to you in your storehouse but also in all which you set your hand, He will bless you in the land which He is giving you. You do not even need to work for the land, but when you sow the seeds in the land HE HAS GIVEN, He blesses it and causes fruit to spring forth.

He opens the heavens over us to give rain in its season, and to bless all the work of your hands. You shall lend to many nations but you shall not borrow. Y'know, when you're in the season that Daddy God has determined for you, when you sow the right seed in its season, He gives rain to cause an increase in the seeds you've sown, He multiplies whatever five loaves and two fish you offer, He restores the things you've lost, thirty fold, sixty fold, hundred fold. He gives you an overabundance to be generous and you shall not lack in any way.

He makes me the head and not the tail; above only and not beneath.

So you know, it doesn't matter whether I'm studying in the morning, night, midday or midnight. Because I'm blessed coming in and going out, blessed am I in the city and in the country.

Love,

Debbos. [Highly favoured, deeply loved, greatly blessed! ]

2010-10-12T08:59:00.000+08:00

| 12 October 2010. Day Eighty of my faith journey with God. |

Shawn managed to find the video they played during service last Sunday!! :D

Anyway, just as the children of Israel went forth to face their battles in worship and praise, I'll go forth and bring praise knowing that my Daddy God has won the victory. :)

Love,
Debs. [In whom He's well-pleased.]

2010-10-11T13:26:00.000+08:00

| 11 October 2010. Day Seventy-Five of my faith journey with God. |

It is precisely two weeks to the O Levels. It is also the first day of my french leave. :) HEHEHEHE. I need to get used to this whole studying without having gone to school first. Because. Previously, I felt that going to school was a waste of time so once I reached home I was so keen on making the most of my study time left that I basically studied. A lot. And now that there's no time waster it seems almost inconsequential, though of course, I'm supposed to know better.

Well, in any case, though the day wasn't exactly started right (not that I didn't do work, I just haven't done as much as I probably should have over the past 3 hours). I believe that Jesus is the author and the perfector/finisher, the beginning and the end, in this race that I'm running right now. We're probably down to the last few laps and this is exactly where I believe that I will get my heavenly boost! ;D

Honestly, I don't feel that my physics has much hope of an A at the moment, but I'm just going to keep trusting in Daddy God, that He has prepared the promised land and I just need to claim it. I don't want to limit the wonders He has in store for me. I know He'll give me all I need and in fact, He has already given it to me. All I need to do is to use the grace and the gifts that He has already put in me. Jesus take the wheel. :)

I'm so happy that I'll be home in another three weeks. :3 WEEEEE~ I really miss home so much. And my big bed. xP HAAHHA. Anyway, yeah. This is the season for studying so I'm sowing seeds into my studies! :D Whatever else I have missed because of my studies, I believe that my Daddy God is ever-faithful to restore thirty-fold, sixty-fold, hundred-fold. And. His blessings will be exceedingly abundant, above every expectation. :)

Love,
Debs. [ A child of the most high God. |

I like...

2010-10-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

... to write about God. :)

| 7 October 2010. Day Seventy-Five of my faith journey with God. |

That's because, whenever I do write about everything He's done in my life for me and through me, I remember how wonderful He really is and a confident expectation of good springs forth and causes more good to happen because I become even more conscious of the good work that He has done and is doing in my life.

Tomorrow's graduation and today, I shared my last recess with my girlfriends. Also, my last teh bing with Clarabelle!! D: It's all gonna be over so soon. And this is so typical, but I really am looking forward to O levels finishing. The part about parting ways with my friends, I'm not so looking forward to. :/

It's just another 16 days more to the O levels and a little over a month to the end of it. Like wow. When the year begun, it all seemed rather distant. But then again, I guess since you hit sec 1, you kinda realise that feeling of distance is nothing more than illusion and nothing can be further from the truth. When you hit the MYEs, it's like, OMG. Another half a year and I'll be done with this. But meh, half a year is still kinda-sorta long. And all of a sudden it's the prelims and you realised that three terms have just passed by, just like that, and you enter into the fourth and final term of your secondary school life. From then on forth, everything just speeds on. Days after days of revision somehow blur into each other and suddenly you're just two weeks to the exams. You're graduating. You're gonna sit for your exams. I can almost predict how the next two weeks will go.

For now, I'm just looking forward to it. Confessing the right things in my life, knowing that whatever it is, He'll multiply my five loaves and two fish, He'll make rivers in the desert and roads in the wilderness, for His people. It's by His grace and only His grace that I will excel exceedingly, abundantly, above every expectation as I see His favour and tender mercies following me, His anointing crowning my head, filling me with wisdom above that of the natural, a mind of Christ, as He is so am I in this world.

I'm also looking forward to finally heading back home. In fact, I know it sounds spastic but I've already packed like two boxes of my stuff. Of course a majority still remain but I'm just wanting to go back home really badly. Haha. Also, I'm definitely looking forward to the activities lined up for after Os!! :D

Well, before all of that, I guess I'm just gonna be planting the right seeds in the right season. Sowing seeds into my studies to reap a harvest of good results. However, 1 Corinthians 3:7

7So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.

So, I'm just really trusting that God will bless all the seeds I've sown and take care of the task I've put in His hands. I believe that my heavenly Father will fight my battles for me when I go forth. :) His grace is sufficient and in my weakness He's my strength. Really, I probably would've broken down a long time ago if I didn't know that I had such an awesome Daddy God who just wants to pour forth into my life, blessings unending.

Love everlasting,

Grace unrelenting,

Pursued me from the start

And arrested my heart.

You've overwhelmed me,

With Your tender mercies,

Now everything I am lives to worship you.

Love,

Debs. [ More than a conqueror in Christ. ]

Come to think of it,

2010-10-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

I have an awesome class. Sure we have major difficulties deciding things because we're all so strongly opinionated and etc. But honestly, today was fun.

There was about it exactly the kind of sentimental euphoria that is generated at a ship-board party, the one given on the last night before the end of the voyage. Everyone draws together with an intimacy, a lack of inhibition not displayed or guessed before, knowing that this is the last time.
- Anita Desai

It's like we're trying to make up for all the lost time. The times we couldn't agree, the times we stood divided, the times we were at loggerheads. Kinda makes you wonder how much better it would've been if we all realised a little earlier. Maybe this sort of emotion can only be evoked at such a time and leaves a lot to be pondered. Like why we are suddenly trying to get along. In a way, I guess we let bygones be bygones. Especially since we should try to leave together on a happy note so that we can remember the best of each other in time to come.

I don't know how real the feeling is, but I don't care. I love peace more than war and I really think it's awesome that we've all finally drawn together and tried to make the most of the very short span of time we have left. Next week's our last week together and Friday will be our graduation.

I guess you don't know what you've got till it's gone. I'll miss all of you for sure and I hope that if we do meet up, we'll share the same camaraderie that we all experienced today.

I really think that God's smiling upon me, because He has made me reconcile with some of the people I had previously had a bit of a short-fuse with and at the same time, I got to know a few more of those whom I had not really gotten to know despite the two years as classmates.

Now, will this new-found bond be enough to spur us into agreement over a class tee? That would really be the icing on the cake. ;)

Love,
Debs. [ Filled with Your wisdom, knowledge, favour and understanding. ]

I figured...

2010-09-30T16:42:00.001+08:00

... that I'm gonna unlock my blog the day I go home. Which is 3rd Nov since I intend to go home over the four days when we don't have papers.

| 30 September 2010. Day Sixty-Eight of my faith Journey with God. |

In a way, the end of the O levels will really be closing a chapter in my life. I'll be stepping out of this boat of familiarity to walk on water to the next level and the next season of my life. Exciting and also saddening. Like how it'll be awesome to step into Arrow but I'm gonna miss being a Dead And Resurrected Eagle and part of the Almighties family. This year has flown by so quickly. I'm in anticipation for after the exams but at the moment, stopping and thinking, next Thursday will be my last time having lessons with my classmates. You know, we never really were that united, but the fact remains that we have spent the last two years together. Friday will be the last day of school for ever (secondary school at least, I don't intend to repeat. xD) and our graduation ceremony will also be held that morning.

So this will be the culmination of the last four years in the school and I was thinking of skipping a day or two because I honestly find school a waste of time, but you know, for the sake of my gals, I don't want to miss the final week I can spend with them as classmates. I'll really miss them... And maybe some of the teachers. xP

O levels: 3 weeks.
Homeward bound: 5 Weeks
End of Os: 6 Weeks

It'll all be over in 6 weeks.

The end is nearing.

(Melodramatic touch)

Love,
Deborah. [Whom Jesus' grace is sufficient for.]

The victory is mine but the battle is the Lord's;

2010-09-29T15:11:00.001+08:00

| 29 September 2010. Day Sixty-Seven of my faith journey with God. |

NYWAYS. Apparently, the moderated, or something of that sort, so my E Math was pushed to an A1, while miraculously, my A Math was pushed to an A2. I mean, I know it's moderated, but really I see there where I am weak, I am truly made strong by He who is in me because at first my A Math had already made a startling improvement from D7 to B3, but now it's gone to A2. You know, if He can make my weak subjects strong, what more can He do for my strong subjects? :)

This pushes my raw score for L1R5 to 12 and L1R4 to 9. WOOHOO. You know, from here on forth, I believe it's just gonna get more and more glorious because of the grace He has imparted to me. I calculated:

English (A1) - Maintain.

Chinese (B3) - Push to A1/2

Biology (B3) - Push to A1

Physics (C6) - Push to A2/1 (Don't get me wrong, I totally don't think I can get an A for Physics, I'm not trying to be in denial. I just don't want to limit God. I would say B3/4 is realistic. But my Daddy God tells me that I'm the head and not the tail.)

Chemistry (B4) - Push to A1 (Again, it's a far cry for Chemistry because I heard that it's really hard to get an A1 for chem, and my chem is not altogether lovely, altogether worthy like Jesus is, but I believe that as He is, so am I in this world.)

Pure Literature (A2) - Push to A1

Elementary Math (A1) - Maintain.

Additional Math (A2) - Push to A1. (I'm not a naturally math-sy person. I heard it's hard to get an A1 for A Math too. But I'll just trust that Daddy God has placed me above and not beneath.)

Combined Humanities [SS/HY] (B4) - Push to A1. (I'm not sure how easy or hard this one's gonna be because I've no idea whether Cambridge is more open-minded that S'pore markers and accept answers more "liberally". In any case, I'm trusting Holy Spirit to be the wind beneath my wings when I take this leap of faith.

Subjects I intend to score well in anyway.
Subjects I'll use as back-up.
Main 6 subjects.

This has been an amazing journey of faith. When the year started, I kept focusing on the negative, like what if I screw up, etc, I had a worldly mentality. I forgot to take into account that I am a beloved child of the most high God. As I spent more time learning about my loving Daddy God, I know that I am more than a conqueror, I may be hard pressed but I will never be crushed.

The rest of the world can do things the normal way. They can study and mug and revise and consult and get tuition and deprive themselves of fun things, but I know that with grace it's not the same. Being conscious of how Jesus is in my life, sets me apart from the others. Knowing that when we work, God rests, but when we rest, knowing that He is the author and the perfector of our faith, God works and He will bring you to your promised land, no sweat. You may strive and struggle, you will reach there. When you rest, you'll also reach the destination. And in fact, when you leave room for grace and not self-effort, not only will the journey be much more enjoyable, the results will be exceedingly, abundantly, above-all-expectation-ly good. Better than human effort could ever produce! :)

I feel that initially I valued my self-effort. I thought myself to be part of the equation of my success. In the end, I got stressed, afraid, filled with anxiety that my whole future lay in my hands. But you know what? It's nothing to do with me. Because God has so favoured me that He gave me leadership roles in school, because God has so favoured me that I have enjoyed so many benefits, because God has so favoured me, He will work in my O levels and He will produce awesome results because our God is an awesome God. My hands are tiny, when I can't carry something, when I can't take the burden, I cast it on my Daddy God because He cares for me. Because His hands are better than mine. Because He has never completed an imperfect work.

I pray that as I enter into the very, very, very final leg of my secondary school education, remind me that you are always with me and you will never leave me nor forsake me. As I embark on my final preparations, maximise my time spent studying in quality and quantity. Bless the final times as classmates I have left with my friends. Allow me to get to know You more and more. Give me supernatural wisdom, knowledge, favour and understanding. Let your grace turn my weakness into strength, my imperfections to Your perfected work. I will not tire for your strength is in me, I will run and not be weary, I will walk and not faint. Work in me and through me, that as I sit for the exams eventually, it will be Jesus' mind- full of clarity and remembrance- that is attempting the paper. Your work was perfected on the cross without a single careless mistake, so shall mine be. All things are possible with Christ, and I commit all these things and my entire life into Your hands that will always be big enough, :)

Love,
Deborah. [Whom He will never fail nor abandon]

UPDATE:
I just remembered something!! HAHAHAA! The school counsellor actually said that I may be able to jump grades even more at the O levels since at the prelims I haven't even put in full effort yet. Truly, I didn't put in full effort because I felt I didn't wanna overwork myself and need a long time to recuperate before the Os considering I don't have much time left, so I just did some work here and there, focus on the subject especially the day before. So truly, Daddy God has blessed and multiplied my five loaves and two fish. And I'm sure His grace will do the same with my slightly bigger loaves and slightly bigger fish at the O levels. I'm really grateful that He has produced so much fruit out of my small sowing and I know that I, in and of myself, surely isn't this brilliant, but He who is in me gives me the light to shine. :)

Your life for mine, when I couldn't save myself;

2010-09-26T21:20:00.000+08:00

| 26 September 2010. Day Sixty-Four of my faith journey with God. |

Your love for me,
Is wider than the skies,
You are my shelter,
The God of all wonders,
You are the hero of my life,

I live for You,
Your warm embrace,
Sets my heart on fire,
You are my Shepherd,
The God of all wonders,
You are the hero of my life,

You died for me,
Your life for mine,
When I couldn't save myself,
You bore my pain, my sin, my shame,
Jesus my Lord, my life.

Wow. I really think I should meditate more on the word because from it springs forth rivers of living water and really, when I re-read my notes so that I could send some bite-size stuff to my friends who didn't attend service, I really felt the holy spirit speaking to me and expounding from those notes just because I was meditating on what I had just learnt at service. There's a new thing every time and truly, I feel like I've learnt so much more in the second reading, Then as if to prove a point, I accidentally deleted the whole message before sending. At first, I was really pissed because I spent about an hour on it, but then, I realised that I wasn't going to let that become a move from the devil to prevent me from blessing others with what I've learnt during sermon and the new things I received while meditating on the sermon notes and the verses in it.

So I re-typed the whole thing and sent it again. at first, I was scared that I wouldn't remember some stuff, coz it was really holy spirit inspired moment, but after that, I figured that Daddy God knows what they need and don't need to hear, so whatever comes out will be God-breathed and inspired by the holy spirit to impact them or to encourage them. At the same time, I also got more and more insights as I re-read my notes. I've been meaning to do more feeding on God's word because I usually merely do it on Sunday during service or remember verses now and again, but I think this is something in which we should take an active effort to do daily because His word is life and gives power. Also, meditating on it reminds you of your standing and releases blessings into your life through the consciousness of the grace that He has imparted and also because we learn more and more about our identity in Christ and the things and blessings that have been set apart, consecrated for His beloved children.

Love,
Deborah, [The child whom Jesus loves.]

But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord;

2010-09-23T17:05:00.000+08:00

| 23 September 2010. Day Sixty-One of my faith journey with God.|

The cruelest world
The coldest heart
The deepest wound
The endless dark
The lonely ache
The burning tears
The bitter nights
The wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every lie that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle the father has in store
Just watch and see
It will not be
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Whatever we lay in the Father's hands will always return restored and whole, no matter what condition it was in when we gave it to Him. Bring it to the cross, bring it to the throne. When no one has the solution, our heavenly Father is just waiting to catch us when we fall. To make the broken whole, to love the unloved, to restore the lost, to light the dark, to heal the hurt, just to be with you. Just because He loves you. Just because He wants to be with you all the time.

Love,
Deborah. [The beloved child of Daddy God]

I receive Your faith to walk on oceans deep;

2010-09-22T18:59:00.002+08:00

| 22 September 2010. Day Sixty of my faith journey with God. |

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet
But at Your word, Lord
I'll receive Your faith
To walk on oceans deep
And I remember how You found me
In that very same place
All my failings surely would have drowned me
Still You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus You're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life
Here in my life

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds the
Way to freedom truth of Jesus
Brought from death into this life
And I remember how You saw me
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the price was Your beloved for me
Still You made a way.

I've gotten back most of my prelim exams results and honestly they aren't looking too good. But then again, I hadn't put in much effort so I kinda-sorta expected it.

Results:
English Language - 78%
Biology - 68%
Physics - 51%
Chemistry - 62%
Literature - 72%
A Maths - 66%
E Maths - 74%
Combined humanities - SS 70% + HY 58% = 64%
Chinese Language - 64% (But since I've got my O level grade, they'll put the higher one which they approximate to be 68% for a B3)

I topped my cohort in English and would still get an A1 even if I subtracted 4 marks from my oral score as instructed to all of us by Ms Manjit. So that's good. I guess I'm finally performing and on the right track for English so :) . On the other hand, I didn't pay too much attention to biology revision and chemistry revision, my biology really dropped by about 16% but that's okay, because I believe ultimately, Daddy God will give me the wisdom and a sharp mind during the actual exam.

My humanities really flipped, last term, history was 76% while SS was 58%, so truly, God can turn weaknesses into your strengths and I believe that He will cause all things to prosper and work together for my good during the final examination. Pretty upset that I missed B3 by 1% though. Sucky shitty bombom. HAHAHAH. But that's okay, because I'm pushing for the final prize and I press on for the high calling that my Daddy God has for me! :D

Similarly, my E Math has dropped by about 8% from MYE because I tried to spend a bit more time in my other weaker subjects, saddest thing is that it was 1% away from A1 and the 3 marks I wasted on careless mistakes could more than compensate giving me an A1. It's okay. I feel the pain now and I may be hard pressed on every side but I will not be crushed.

On a happy-happy note! I improved my A Math by 4 grades. From D7(49%) to B3(66%) and I believe that God will continue to expound wisdom, knowledge, favour and understanding in me, and not just in this subject! Sadly, I lost my A2 due to 12 marks careless mistakes but you know what, now that I know, I won't make it again, not because I'm perfect, but because I have the mind of Christ.

You know, my work is flawed with careless mistakes, oversight, memory lapses and inability, but I know that as Jesus is, so am I in this world. Not just in heaven. But His blessings and abilities are mine to claim right now, just because I'm His child. Just because He loves me.

At the cross, he didn't fall short of an A1 by 1%, let alone by any larger amount. At the cross, His work was not only perfect, but it was also complete, it was also an overabundance in payment. Jesus didn't make careless mistakes or any oversight and miss anyone or their sins out, no, He died for every single one. So neither will I make careless mistakes in my papers.

Jesus never forgot things, He could remember people and the things they did for the kingdom of God, likewise, I will not forget the things and they will be committed to my memory as I have the mind of Christ that has never failed or fallen short in anyway.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. And that is why my inabilities are going to become my abilities, and not just a case of "jack of all trades, master of none", but I know that my God is faithful to complete the work He has started in me because He is the author and the perfecter of my faith.

As I step into my last leg before the O levels, Melodi highlighted a verse, Psalms 32:8, for me.
I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go, I will counsel and watch over you.
And one of my favourite verses, Luke 17: 5-6.
If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this tree, "be uprooted and planted in the sea", and it would obey you." Nothing will be impossible to you.

I know the backing I have in my Daddy God, I know that I'm more than a conqueror in Christ, that I am the head and not the tail, above only and not beneath. That He has anointed me and surely His goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. It's just another 33 days to the O levels, but you know what, in the natural, I am fretful, but I know that God is taking care of everything supernaturally and that through His grace, I will excel exceedingly, abundantly, above all expectation! :)

Love,
Debs. [The beloved child of God who is highly favoured, deeply loved & greatly blessed!]

To be or not to be?

2010-09-18T20:50:00.000+08:00

Daddy God, I commit everything into your hands. If it is of you, you will maintain it and prosper it no matter what we go through now, if it's not of you, you will give both of us the ability to look to you and step out of the boat to walk on water. Please give me the answer to the questions I need because now I'm really unsure about what I'm supposed to do about this.

I know You love me and want the best for me.

A Sudden Dawning;

2010-09-16T17:34:00.001+08:00

| 16 September 2010. Day Fifty-Two of my faith journey with God. |

It's horrible when something suddenly strikes you in the middle of a situation where you don't have your computer or something to take down a note with. Or rather, when you don't have the time to, like per se, during an examination. Because that's exactly what happened to me.

I know I've been asking to experience God's love more and more, for Him to show me His love for me more and more. And then God seemed to talk to me while I was doing my SS prelim this morning. You know, it's not about feeling His love, He loves you whether you feel it or not, but rather, it's about looking at the cross, where His love poured out. He has already shown the greatest demonstration of His love on the cross. Even when He blesses us now out of love, it will never be as much as the love He poured out at the cross when Jesus died for our sins. So now I kinda have a better idea of what it really means to judge God and His love for me not based on my situation but based on His love for me, His unwavering, unending love that was given at the cross.

Sure it's nice when God blesses you with all sorts of awesome things (and He does love to bless His beloved children), you definitely feel the love at those times in your life, but more importantly, during the times when you're down and out, during the times when you've just had a super suay day, during the plain shitty days, during the times when all the odds seem against you, during the times you feel lousy and stupid, during the times no one else cares, during the times you're angry, during the times you feel ashamed, during the times things aren't going as planned, during the times you feel rejected, during the times you feel that you're not good enough, during the times you feel alone, during the times when you cry, during the times you hurl profanities, during the aftermath of a bad decision, during your pain, during your regret, those, are the most important times to remember not to look at your situation, if you look at the circumstances that surround you it's a depressing scene, but when you look up, when you look at the finished work and the cross, when you cry out to your Daddy God, Abba Father, He hears you, He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13: 5), He hears your cry and He will turn everything around for your good.

The cross is the measure of His love for us, not our jobs/results/good deeds/circumstances. It's everything we need, if only if we remember that very fact even in the tough times. It's easy to say that God loves me when everything is going as planned, but remember to say that God still loves me even though I'm currently having a shitty time. When you are thankful for everything and remember Jesus' love for you even in bleak and hopeless times, you'll find the ray of hope, that is, God's love for you. And the perfect love casts out every fear (1 John 4: 18).

My point is, from now on, I'm not going to ask God show me His love for me, I'm going to tell Him to point me to the cross every single day and remind me that that is His love for me.

Okay. I totally did that on my own with Microsoft Paint so it doesn't look all too decent but I like it, you know why? Because I see my Daddy God's love for me. Guard your heart with His love love and rest and He will guard every thing else, feed on Daddy God's love for you and fight the Goliaths in your life knowing your covenant with your Daddy God at the cross, just like David.

Love divine, freely given,
Grace amazing came,
At the cross, You were broken,
Rejected and alone.

You paid redemption's price,
Carried the weight of my shame,
You offered Your all for me,
Because of Your love.

You see these beautiful holy spirit-inspired songs?

His love was freely given. .At the cross, His grace was spilled for all our sins, He was broken so that we may be healed and whole, He was rejected, so that we may be accepted in the eyes of God and man, He was alone so that we'll never be alone. He paid redemption's price, a price we couldn't pay, He carried the weight of our shame so that we can hold our head high as the righteousness of God in Christ,

He offered His all for us, because of His love.

Take His love for you, run with it. Take as much as you want, as if you're the only one in the whole wide world. His love is unlimited, take it as if He loves you alone. Keep it close to you so that when the accuser comes to discourage you, His love covers you.

Whenever I hit hump on the road, point me back to Your love. Remind me of Your love and Your heart for me, most importantly, lead me to the cross, where Your love poured out.

Love,
Deborah. [The MOST beloved child of the Most High God. xP ]

2010-09-15T18:42:00.001+08:00

| 15 September 2010. Day Fifty-One of my faith journey with God. |

Love divine, freely given,
Grace amazing came,
At the cross, You were broken,
Rejected and alone.

You paid redemption's price,
Carried the weight of my shame,
You offered Your all for me,
Because of Your love.

Jesus, I love You,
Jesus, I worship You,
Jesus, I thank You,
For the cross.

Oh Lord You've saved my life,
Through Your precious sacrifice,
Jesus, I thank You,
For the cross.

OMG. I may actually pass A Math and physics. My two weakest subjects. If God has already given us His beloved son, what will He withhold from us??? :D It's just really awesome, I mean if I can pass or even get a B for these subjects, I can just expect God to bless my other subjects that I'm already good at even more. When I am weak, then I am strong. In my weakness, You are my strength. I just believe that as I get closer and closer to the O levels, God will give me the favour, wisdom, knowledge and understanding to exceed my own expectations, and the expectations of those around me- good or bad. Also, I know that even if I don't do too well for prelims, my Daddy God's got my back and some way or another, He's going to make a way for me- a way to score my As.

Hope doesn't disappoint and I know that I can put my hope in my Daddy God because He will never disappoint. He will give me grace, unmerited, unearned favour, and bring me to my promised land. I pray that You grow me more and more to become the person that You want me to be. I pray that Your favour surrounds me like a shield and Your love is ever-present in my life. I pray that you give me rest even in times of uneasiness, throughout my frustrations, despite me working, in You I find my rest, in Your love I find comfort. Maximise my time so that I can spend time with You, my studies AND also be sowing into others' lives so that they know what a good God they have, what an awesome heavenly Father that wants to turn every dry area, every lack, every desert in our lives into abundance, prosperity and wholeness, that even when they are sleeping, God gives His beloved sleep and He also gives to His beloved sleep. :)

Sometimes we may feel like we're running a race of all sorts, especially in the middle of the week when rest seemed to have been long gone and the weekend to come seems rather far, I get weary and tired, but He's my strength and also my source, and though I may feel like I'm the one running this race because I'm actually getting tired along the week, I know I'm only getting closer to the finish line because He's carrying me. We can strain and we can strive, but if we let go, we'll feel the wind in our hair and enjoy the journey, His grace will take us to the promised land. :)

Love,
Deborah. [who is the righteousness of God in Christ. ]

Hide me in the shelter of Your love;

2010-09-13T11:14:00.002+08:00

| 13 September 2010. Day Fourty-Nine of my faith journey with Daddy God. |

Under the shadow of Your wings
Here in the secret place of Your holiness
I will wait on You, O Lord, my God and King

Here in the Holiest of All
You draw me near with love
To abandon all for the sake of knowing You, my God and King

Hide me in the shelter of your love
Deep in the centre of your heart, my Lord
How I want to know You more
And keep me in the shadow of your wings
Safe in the secret place of Holiness
How I need You more and more

I feel like I've kinda screwed up my chem paper coz I felt very blur while doing it, kinda like when I was doing the first paper for prelims (English) so if I do well or even just okay, it's really God because I was quite unprepared for chem. Didn't have enough practice papers to do and didn't mug hard enough for this subject I guess. My complacency's gone, but I know my Daddy God isn't . :)

Love,
Deborah. [ Blessed with His wisdom, knowledge, favour and understanding. :) ]

UPDATE:
I just realised while I was planning my study schedule backwards from the O levels that 42 days is not as long as it seems. I really pray that Daddy God will maximise and multiply my working hours in terms of both time and the quality of time spent in my studies. Not only that, I trust that He will multiply my rest as well despite coming into a season of hardcore-ing for my studies. I think the next six weeks will be as such:

Chemistry (Monday + Friday/Weekend) :

1x Paper

5 Qns per topic

* Literature

(Monday + Friday/Weekend) :

1 Chapter + review

A Math (Tuesday + Friday/Weekend) :

2x Tuition Papers

3 Qns per topic.

* History (Tuesday + Friday/Weekend) :

1 set of factors + review

Biology (Wednesday + Friday/Weekend):

1x Paper

5 Qns per topic

* Social Studies (Wednesday + Friday/Weekend) :

1 set of factors + review

E Math (Thursday + Friday/Weekend) :

4x Papers

Physics (Friday + Weekend) :

1x Tuition Paper

5 Qns per topic.

English (Friday + Weekend) :

10 Min Newspaper reading

1 Article from Broader Perspectives.

God help me. Really. :)

A Reflection;

2010-09-11T13:02:00.001+08:00

| 11 September 2010. Day Fourty-Seven of my faith journey with God. |

The one week of "holiday" is almost over and I have to say I am quite pleased with the way things have worked out this week. It's been a super efficient week where I've been very productive in my revision and at the same time I get enough sleep and play. I really want to thank God for accelerating my studies this week and also for multiplying my time. Both spent doing work and also with my friends and loved ones.

Monday: Super good day for studying. Completed my entire chem syllabus notes and had 3 hours of A math tuition straight where I managed to go through two papers with my tutor and do a whole other one. :)

Tuesday; Met up with Geraldine and Yvelyn supposedly to study, but definitely to catch up as well, and I feel that that's so important. That work and studies is not everything in life but when you take time off to spend with your loved ones you not only maintain your sanity but you play a part in their lives as much as they do in yours. :) God has a place for relationships, when you take the time to appreciate Him and appreciate those around you, He always multiplies your time and efficacy. Plus, it wasn't all play and eat, we managed to do about 3-4 hours of study which was okay, I guess. :) I also did half of my physics syllabus at home. :)

Wednesday: Was almost dedicated entirely to having fun because I was meeting up with my NHPS friends. :) Read about it in my previous post, but the feeling is the same as Tuesday's. I highly value quality time. :) And even after all the fun and games, I still completed the rest of my physics syllabus notes. Hehe,

Thursday: I spent another day at home. This time I really pia-ed because I had targeted to complete a certain number of assignments. I think I did like four A math papers and another three physics papers. In between I also cleared up my room a little. Like folding and putting all the clothes in the cupboard and throwing away all the rubbish that's accumulated in the bin (yucks, I know. But whatever man) hahahahah. Very productive and accelerated day at studying. :) I even watched the nine o'clock show. HEHE.

Friday: I met up with Shawn around noon-ish to go for a swim and later on a movie as well. We don't get to spend time like this, so I feel that in a way, it is worth it. This is the only day I didn't finish any assignments. But it's okay because I've sorta gone over target already so I feel it's fine. ;D

Saturday(TODAY): I'm going for DG which will be an awesome time, spending time with Daddy God. Then it'll probably be dinner with my DG. Tonight I'll complete one physics paper and about 10 questions on geometrical proofs. Sounds good? Sounds good. :)

Sunday: CHURCH!! HEHEHEHE. TIme in the House of God. People don't understand why we bother, because on the outside it's just a facade of a rock, literally. But you have to go inside and incline your ear to God's words and you'll understand why we queue every week. Why we jump and sing and shout His praises. Because our God is an awesome God. :) I also intend to complete one chemistry paper and that'll be the closure for this week.

Melodi and I have been sending each other messages every morning to remind each other of God's love for us, to proclaim blessings over each others' lives and also to remind each other that we are the righteousness of God in Christ even if we fail and fall down. :) Maybe this is why this week's been so awesome. But we're definitely not gonna stop any time soon. :) Sometimes maybe we don't feel anything coz we may take it for granted, but I guess when push comes to shove, when we're really experiencing a rough patch, those taken-for-granted daily reminders will become the best thing that happens in your day.

I also realised that there is a reason why God allowed me to get into a relationship so young. Before this, I kinda regretted it, not the person, but in getting into a relationship so young. Haha. But after talking to Shawn last night, I realised for myself that it had actually been in him being saved and born again, that I entered into a proper commitment with my Daddy God and stopped running away from Him as if His plan for me was something that would hurt me. (This is a long story so I won't go over it here because otherwise I'll be late for DG, but these are the main points.)

Geraldine once told me an "analogy", think of you and Shawn's relationship with Jesus as a triangle, Jesus being the peak and the center of the relationship. You and Shawn form the base. When you and Shawn move closer to Jesus, in turn you also become closer to each other. When Jesus is in the center, He holds all things together. And this doesn't just apply to this type of relationship, but to ANY relationship. Best friends, family members, etc. It's like you see eye-to-eye when you look at Jesus. :)

Our God is an awesome God,
He reigns from heaven to earth,
With Wisdom, Power and Love,
Our God is an awesome God.

Love,
Deborah [A beloved child of God who is highly favoured, deeply loved and greatly blessed].

And I won't worry about tomorrow,

2010-09-09T12:32:00.000+08:00

| 9 September 2010. Day Fourty-Five of my faith journey with God. |

... Giving You my fears and sorrows,

Where You lead me I will follow,

I'm trusting in what You say,

Today is the day.

Yesterday I spent some good catch-up time with my primary school friends and I really thank God for blessing me with such awesome, wonderful friends. We've watched each other grow up so there's no awkwardness, pretenses or secrets because we practically know every single part of our embarrassing past and we can't pretend to be who we're not because we already know who each one of us are. Okay. Now that I've typed that last bit out, it didn't have the intended, desired effect, but oh well. I'm lazy to backspace back to there. Always move forward. xD

So mostly we just caught a movie, Avatar: The Last Airbender, then we put our newly acquired water bending skills to good use at Sentosa and I really have to say it was an awesome day. The atmosphere at RSW later on was absolutely not Singapore-ish, but almost exuded a Genting/ overseas charm which spurred us to plan a trip to Genting during the hols after Os. I mean it would totally be awesome. But you know, having such wonderful friends, it's all or nothing so after we went to ask for permission, we figured that we probably wouldn't be going this time around, oh well, it's not about where we are, but who we're with so a chalet will work out fine too!! :) we haven't had one to ourselves I've realised so that's still new. Sorta. xD

Anyway, I've still to ask my mom about going for the netball trip from 1-6 dec and I really hope she allows coz we'll be going there to play with Malaysian teams and stuff, which is totally cool! HEHEHEHE. :)

Well, I guess now I should be really going, but even though I have played quite a lot this holiday, I feel like I've matched it up with my study time because i've really been on task, thanks to God's grace, giving me sufficient energy to stay up, wake up and complete all the tasks at hand. We need His grace every day. :)

Let me just gloat a bit about what I've completed.
- Notes for the Chemistry Syllabus
- Notes for the Physics Syllabus (this one almost)
- 2 Physics papers
- 4 A Math papers.

Considering I'm finishing in record time, maybe I'll do another 2 physics and A math papers instead of 1 each, and of course, my tuition homework on geometric proofs, read up a bit on my social studies notes. Honestly I am so freaking excited!! SIX WEEKS more till the O levels, which also means NINE WEEKS to the end of the O levels!! WOOHOO! And then I'll be free to do all the activities lined up for me! :) HEHEEH,.

Prom shopping w/ my girls.

Big Day Out w/ Clarabelle

Bake-A-Ton w/ Clarabelle

Red Camp @ NP
Student Leadership Camp @ TSS
Stay-over w/ Yvelyn & Geraldine.
Chalet w/ NHPSians
Netball Trip @ Kuala Lumpur
MOVIE MARATHON w myself! (I sound so conceited! HAHAHAH!)
Learning a couple of piano pieces
Spend time w/ Shawn, my FAT HAMBURGER MONSTER, RAWR!! xD
ISRAEL w/ ALMIGHTIES!
*Getting a part-time job to fund my activities. :/

I pray that God blesses the short time I have left with my secondary school friends as we study and work hard for our Os, may he multiply the quality time and the memories we share. :)

Love,
Deborah. [The beloved child of the Most High God. :) ]

P.S. Let me have a moment of grievance for the fact that the break is almost over. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo.....! x(
.
.
.
.
.
OKAY. BYE NOW! xD

Knowing that all You have in store for me is good, is good.

2010-09-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

| 7 September 2010. Day Fourty-Three of my faith journey with God |

I'm casting my fears aside,
I'm leaving my doubts behind,
I'm setting my heart and mind on You,
Jesus.

I'm reaching my hands to Yours,
Believing there's so much more,
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good,
Is good.

I'm putting my fears aside,
I'm leaving my doubts behind,
I'm giving my hopes and dreams to You,
Jesus

I will stand upon Your truth
(And I will stand upon Your truth)
And all my days I'll live for You
(All my days I'll live for You)

Today is the day, You have made,

I will rejoice and be glad in it,

Today is the day, You have made,

I will rejoice and be glad in it

And I won't worry about tomorrow,

Giving You my fears and sorrows,

Where You lead me I will follow,

I'm trusting in what you say,

Today is the day.

Love,

Deborah [The righteousness of God in Christ]

God is my Certainty;

2010-09-06T10:58:00.001+08:00

| 6 September 2010. Day Forty-Two of my faith journey with God |

I guess I may go through times I'm unsure, make the wrong decisions even, but God is my boat, and even if the storms howl outside and I fall, I still fall in the boat, my salvation, my protection, and loving arms will pick me up because though I may fail at times, God never fails and because He is in the centre of my life, all things will work out for my GOOD.

Just like how when you look at the fainter stars in the sky, you can't see that many, but when you focus upon the brightest star, all the other little stars appear too. When you focus on the One thing most important, when you guard you heart with the consciousness of His love, He will guard the rest and He will bring to light the other things of importance to you as well. God is not out to make you utterly devoted to Him such that you lose sight of everything else, but when you lose consciousness of yourself, He finds you and He makes you better than you can ever be out of your own effort. :)

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

Love,
Deborah. [In whom He is well-pleased]

If uncertainty counted for anything at all,

2010-09-01T16:11:00.001+08:00

| 1 September 2010. Day Thirty-Seven of my faith journey with God |

I'm not so sure of everything anymore. And it's not even as if something actually spurred this emotion, or lack-thereof, in me. I'm just pretty unsure what's going on and I really want Daddy God to speak to me. To give me some direction. Coz honestly, I feel pretty alone now, even though I know that you will never leave me, nor forsake me. But now I need You to be here more practically or at least show me something. Because I've to say I'm very confused and I feel strained. Something I felt so sure of became something of such great uncertainty over the past three days. With nothing even happening.

Maybe it's just PMS, maybe it's not. I just know I need some direction.

Jesus, open the doors meant to be opened and shut the doors meant to be shut. I commit this into Your hands knowing that you have gone before me and that you will work everything out for my good, because You love me.

53 days more to the O levels. How time really flies.

Fall afresh on me,
Move within my heart,
Let Your tenderness consume me,

Pour Your love on me,
Like rain upon my face,
Till everything I am,
Is lost in Your embrace.

________________________________________________________________

When only love could make a way,
You gave Your life,
In a beautiful exchange.

When only love could break these chains,
You gave Your life,
In a beautiful exchange.

Love,
Deborah [In whom He is well-pleased]

This is my prayer;

2010-08-24T17:00:00.000+08:00

| 24 August 2010. Day Twenty-nine of my faith journey with God |

Daddy God, I just want to commit this period of preliminary examinations into your mighty hand, that every thing is not by my might nor by my power, but by Your wisdom, knowledge, favour and understanding. Because I have the mind of Christ, I will excel exceedingly, abundantly and above all expectations in all that I set my heart to. Most importantly, shower me with your unending love and the grace that allows me to ace!

Amen. :)

___

This is my prayer in the battle,

When triumph is still on its way,

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ,

So firm on His promise I'll stand.

And I will bring praise,

I will bring praise,

No weapon formed against me shall remain,

I will rejoice,

I will declare,

God is my victory and He is here.

___|

Love,
Deborah [ More than a conqueror in Christ]

Double for Trouble. ;)

2010-08-20T17:39:00.000+08:00

| 19 August 2010. Day Twenty-four of my faith journey with God|

SO. Today is the day I've gotten into the most trouble in school in the history of ever.

It started during third period when we were going for PE and a teacher asked whether we were willing to sacrifice our PE to help 5N1 with their oral. BUT. It was our last PE. So that was a no for me. So I kept walking and she was like, "Deborah, where do you think you are going?" and so I was being honest when I said I wasn't willing to make that sacrifice.

And things spiraled out of control from there on forth.

She came down to confront the 21 of us who had walked away from helping 5N1. Naturally with my position, she was particularly harsh on me but to me, and so many others, we had merely made the decision that she didn't like and that's why she was so upset- she didn't get what she had wanted. So I basically had to bear the brunt of her fury. And I bet it was pent up from other events, just that she chose to unleash it on me. We just took advantage of the fact that she had supposedly given us a choice. You know, I would think "choice" is rather self-explanatory and should be taken literally though i knew there was always the existence of the politically correct answer.

Then she went on to criticise our person. Not even the behaviour. Like it was a life sentence. Were we wrong to make the choice? No. Was our choice wrong? Well, apparently. :/

Anyway, we were extremely pissed because we felt like we'd just gotten scolded for making a choice. And I'm sure everyone is selfish. People may display it or conceal it but the fact still remains. Worst was that, I didn't get a chance to state our side of the story, our opinion. Now I know why she says no one can compete with her in arguing. It's because she doesn't even let them speak. She's said she preferred psychology because you listened to a person and worked out a solution without medication, I thought that was really awesome. But then, she never listened at all, because she was so eager to prove herself right.

She walked away and we continued playing, I'd expected her to complain to my Ti/c so I'd asked Ti/c whether or not she had told her what had happened. But apparently Ti/c hadn't and super xia sui, while we were talking, she walked past and joined in but rather to scold me more? Haha. YET AGAIN. I was given no opportunity to make my case. -.- Totally a case of bullying if you ask me.

And even more xia sui was that the VP walked past at that moment when she was scolding me. But maybe that'll be all the better. Because maybe if this goes up to the P, someone will actually ask for my opinion. :/

Well, in the course of these events, i felt emotionally drained, not just because I had spent so much effort being angry but also because I was tired because it was coming towards the end of the week and my weekend booster was just about running out. In any case, I'm still powerless. So...

Well, despite my exhaustion I still had to go for tuition. And apparently, Ti/c messaged me twice during tuition just to make sure i was feeling okay. Which was very sweet of her. :) But i felt fine because I hadn't done anything wrong by speaking up. Anyway, we concluded that I should apologise, a notion I was intending to do tomorrow but ti/c encouraged me further to apologise.

Anyway, I just feel that everyone is self-centered. Honestly, if you cared about every ant you accidentally killed, you'd be getting on no where in life. It's just who perform selflessly in the public eye and who does it quietly without much recognition. Granted, there was those who really wanted to help out and not just out of convenience, I'll give them that much credit.

But honestly, even many of the rich actually give out of their own convenience. Some people may even give to get tax rebates. Is that honestly selflessness? Because i reckon at that rate, we only give if it benefits us or if it's not too much out of our way. Granted there are some philanthropists such as Bill Gates who are really willing to give outside of their convenience.

Just a thought. :/

| 20 August 2010. Day Twenty-five of my faith journey with God. |

Anyway, this morning first thing i went to look for her to apologise. After a bit more reflection apart from already knowing that apologising would be the right thing to do, I realise that she was actually trying to teach us a value too. Just that perhaps her approach had sparked off more anger than feelings of guilt and remorse, causing emotions to run high.

Well, I guess she had sort of gotten over it. Because she said the most important thing was that we learnt our lesson. So yeah, I guess that settles that.

But i really want to thank my DG girls, Sam, Charmaine and Melodi for keeping me in their prayers. I don't know how much of God's wisdom and favour i needed to actually go up to her today, but I'm sure their prayers contributed to it and it's great having such supportive friends. They prayed, no questions asked.

Apart from them I'm really appreciative of my friends in school too. Arumi sent me a very encouraging message and i know they've really all got my back so it was something really nice to know. Clarabelle and Priya were in it through it all. the ranting, the omg-shit moments and all the in betweens.

Shawn, for hearing me out. :)

Really love you all. :)

Lastly, I thank my Daddy God for surrounding me with such awesome friends and I really want to thank Him because of Isaiah 61:7 which says that I shall receive double blessing for my trouble. Melodi mentioned this just as I was reading the daily devo for 19th Aug, so it must've really been God speaking to me. :)

Love,
Deborah. [ In whom He is well-pleased]

P.S. FREAKING PRELIMS ARE NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!!!! D: D: D:
P.P.S. 9 weeks to O levels. 1584 hours. 140 h/subject. Which is approx 5.8 days /subject.
P.P.P.S. By Daddy God's grace, I got a B3 for my CHINESE O LEVEL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH! But my mommy wants to retake. :)

Breakthrough;

2010-08-08T13:06:00.001+08:00

| 8 August 2010. Day Thirteen of my faith journey with God |

I declare that the next week will be a week of supernatural breakthrough. In all the areas that I have been experiencing death, Jesus came to breathe the zoey life of God in them so that they will be flourishing with life, exceedingly, abundantly and above all that I can ever think or imagine.

AND. Most importantly, it will be God who is working the breakthrough- financially, academically, relationship-wise and getting through to others. All I need to do is remind myself to guard my heart with the consciousness of God's love for me, and Daddy God will guard everything else and cause the zoey life of God of spring forth in my life. :)

Love,
Debs. [In whom He is greatly pleased]

I will bring PRAISE, I will REJOICE, I will DECLARE, God IS MY VICTORY. :)

2010-08-07T13:30:00.001+08:00

| 7 August, 2010. Day Twelve of my faith journey with God|

This week I've been feeling normal almost. And the feeling sucks considering I now know of the extraordinary, God shower me with Your love. But I believe that even now, God is working something amazing out for me. And maybe I should learn to behold Jesus more. As an every day thing, not just a Saturday and Sunday thing. Apart from thanking Him, I need to apply what we'd just learnt,

We all, with unveiled faces, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as the from the Lord the Spirit.

I won't limit Daddy God, I know something phenomenal is about to happen. :)

This is my prayer in the desert,
When all that's within me feels dry,
This is my prayer and the hunger in me,
My God is the God who provides.

And this is my prayer in the fire,
In weakness or trial or pain,
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold,
So refine me Lord, through the flame.

I will bring praise,

No weapon formed against me shall remain.

I will rejoice,

I will declare,

God is my victory and He is here.

And this is my prayer in the battle,
When triumph is still on its way,
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ,
So firm on His promise I'll stand.

All of my life,
In every season,
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship.

I will bring praise,
I will bring praise,
No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice,
I will declare,
God is my victory and He is here.

And this is my prayer in the harvest,
Where favour and providence flows,
I know I'm filled to be empty again,
The seed I've received I will sow.

This seems to be God's rhema word for me. Exactly what i need now. I just realised, the song is seems to be divinely designed. God-inspired. Because after every situation is described, I will bring praise. No matter what the situation is. And currently, I'm in the battle, when triumph is still on it's way but i know that I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, so firm on His promise I'll stand. And this is really encouraging me to bring praise no matter what my situation as I wait for my harvest. where favour and providence flows. :)

Thank you Jesus for loving me! :D

Love,
Debs. [the most beloved child of God]

T.G.I.F. :)

2010-07-30T18:45:00.000+08:00

| 29 July, 2010. Day Four of my faith journey with God. |

Today was a moderate day, tired because I'd only slept at midnight last night and also because the weather was totally appropriate for sleeping. I love this kinda weather. Now I'm waiting for dinner and I was feeling a bit miffed earlier because I had been asked by so many people to go for Festival of Praise and I had also been considering going for the streaming talk just to listen about the part done by some ACJC representative in the evening, but no. I didn't because I had expected to spend some time with Shawn because we only get to spend time together on Friday nights.

So like had I known he wouldn't be free till like supper time I could've gone for either of them. :/

But whatever. I thank God anyway and I guess I'll be doing my work after dinner and typing my testimony because my DGL asked me to write one to encourage some other Dare Almighties people trusting God for finances for the Israel trip. :)

I think I'm gonna boycott Chan's chem lesson tomorrow because I don't think it's fair in some sense. Which teacher gets two sessions a week? Abusing his power. Then tell us not to complain to other H.O.Ds Expect us not to complain when he gives this kind of shit. Utter rubbish. How many times do we have to put across the point that Chemistry is not the only bloody subject we're taking. His actions and way of doing things really makes it almost painful for me to find an inch of respect for him. -.- Annoying little shit.

Short post, but I thank god for today, not just because it's a Friday! Like finally! :)

Love,

Debs. [Highly favoured, deeply loved and greatly blessed!]

2010-07-29T20:55:00.000+08:00

| 28 July, 2010. Day Three of my faith journey with God. |

SO. I woke up this morning and washed up. Usually I check my phone for messages in the middle of the night when I check the time but today, somehow I hadn't awoken to check the time at all. So after washing up, I came back to my room, still slightly blur because it's the morning, but nevertheless, the message I saw next jolted me out of my semi-slumber.

From my mommy:

We were smsing Ps Vernon about us believing with you for the fund for the Israel trip, He just called and said He will sponser you for the trip!!!

LIKE WOW. At the time, I had just needed to pay the deposit of $1000 first, but God is generous and He uses other people to bless you as well. Now I not only do I have the fund for the deposit, I have the fund for the entire trip! Never had I imagined that God would bless me in such a way. I was thinking that $3k plus is like an almost impossible sum to pop out of nowhere so I was believing for a more "normal" mode of God's provision, like maybe my parents getting some extra in pay or something along those lines, but I failed to remember that God is extraordinary and He doesn't need to use the means of this world to deliver and provide for His children. He can provide out of His limitless supply and in ways that you may not think possible. I mean, how many people would actually be willing to give someone else $3k for a trip overseas to enjoy themselves? Sounds difficult, right? But obviously, it's easy to God. :)

And I'm extremely happy that I know God has given me the desires of my heart. I wonder what else God has in store for me this year because I truly know now that the demand is much, much less than the supply when it comes to Daddy God.

Currently, I'm on the waiting list coz they go by the buses and each bus is like 40 pax. But since God was able to finance my trip, He'll be able to get me a space too! In the name of Jesus!! AMEN! :D :D :D

Okay, now I've gotta go because I've to do some homework/work. My English O level oral is in two weeks and my prelims will be held in three weeks!!! D: No worries though, i know that God has given me supernatural wisdom, knowledge, favour and understanding coupled with His supernatural rest AND strength to go through the rigorous days of examinations up till the day O levels are over! And I will perform exceedingly, abundantly, above all expectation because the Holy Spirit has given me clarity of thought and I am the beloved child of God who has been equipped with the mind of Christ!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath.

Come unto Me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.

If God abases, who can abound? If God raises, who can hold down?

I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not faint.

I am destined to reign in life!

No tongue that rises up against me shall prosper, no weapon formed against me shall stand.

FEAR NOT!

Ask God.

Claim what belongs to me.

It is God's pleasure to grant the desires of my heart.

There's an open heaven over me.

Look up for my supply, don't depend on the River Niles of this world.

At the name of Jesus, every knee bows..

Face my Goliaths understanding my COVENANT with my Daddy God.

Love,

Debs [ A beloved child of God in whom He is well-pleased]

2010-07-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

| July 28, 2010. Day Two of my faith journey with God |

SO. I went for the trials and now I don't think I'll be able to get in via dsa because:
1) The other girl who was trying out was taller than me.
2) It's hard to say because there'll still be a batch from the phase two trials.
*3) I think the other girl has upper hand because she's from CHIJ SNG, which, if I am not mistaken, is also coached by ACJC's coach.

BUT. You know what? In the midst of your trials and tribulations, even in your disappointment and even when your miracle has not yet happened, that is the very best time to praise the Lord and thank Him for all He's done. That His will be done on Earth as it is in heaven. I know that Daddy God truly does know what's best for me because in 2010, 2011, 2012 and beyond, He has already gone before me to test the waters and He says that it is good. So I need not fear about tomorrow for tomorrow will have grace sufficient and i know that however things go, if God is for me, who can be against me?

And I don't feel discouraged, per se, instead I'm spurred to work even harder(and smarter), to achieve even better grades because I can't count on DSA alone. Can't be putting all my eggs in one basket. :)

Anyway, I'll be planning an extremely detailed and hard-core study schedule for now till prelims, till Os. Can't wait for it to be over because I know that this is one of many battles Jesus will fight for me as I rest in His love. :)

__________________________________

Though I walk through waters and I go through fire,
I'll not be dismayed nor will I be afraid,
You will deliver, You will provide,
Your arm is mighty to save.

Though I walk through moments of weakness and pain,
Your faithfulness rises as sure as the sun,
You are my sheperd, You know me by name,
You carry me in Your arms.

I'm not my own,
I am bought with a price,
Hidden in You,
I know victory is mine.

I will give thanks, Jesus,

I'll guard my heart,

As You fight my battles,

Speak peace to the storm.

____________________________________

We'll see how it goes but not by my might, my power, my strength or my ability, but by God's wisdom, knowledge, favour, understanding and by His grace, goodness, mercy and might and I loose the angels charge over my life to protect me from evils and I invite the holy spirit to guide me in the straight and narrow.

One way, Jesus.

Love,
Debs. [A beloved child of the Most High God]

My Journey to the O Levels with Daddy God. :)

2010-07-27T21:48:00.000+08:00

And oh,
Your grace is sufficient for me,
In every way,
This truth is my strength.

Everyday of my life,
I know,
Goodness and mercy follow me,
Everyday, every time.
_____________________________________

I’ve embarked on a journey to the O levels holding my Daddy God’s hand where He will lead me by still waters and should I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be alone. When I stumble He will lift me up and hold me in His love.

I’ve locked my blog because this is a very personal journey that I would first like to embrace on my own. By the time you read this, it would have been reopened and the chronicles of my final three months up to the O levels will be fully documented, well fully documented in my terms anyway.

|Today is July 27, 2010. Day One of my faith journey with God.|
You know how much I’d wanted to go to ACJC? I was almost praying to God that He’d get me in somehow. Like maybe they’d mix up my application with some super pro netball chick’s and I get accepted on those terms. That would be good enough for me, however way I got into ACJC.

BUT, as always. God has a better plan that we can ever ask or imagine. And so at around 5pm today, after suffering a bad headache due to the weather and skipping focus to head home for some rest(with permission of course!!), I received a call from Ms T, the teacher-in-charge of netball at ANGLO-CHINESE JUNIOR COLLEGE. And I tell you I was brimming with excitement.

No, it wasn’t an acceptance(YET, hopefully!!). Because apparently I had submitted my application a tad too late(must’ve been God’s will and planning), I had missed phase 1 of the DSA exercise at ACJC. D: BUT BUT BUT. Ms T was asking me to go down for a trial tomorrow at 5.15pm that is not the official trial but should I make the cut, they will put me in during the phase 2 applications and I won’t have to go for the 2nd phase trials.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who submitted late, so it surely is God’s goodness and favour that caused her to pick mine as one out of two of the girls who will be going tomorrow for the trial. I mean, what were the odds??? Basically every netballer will apply to DSA because they’re the A Div champs. And yet they picked me. I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath.

I know you must be thinking I’m crazy being so happy over something so indefinite, but if God has not withheld His only begotten son, how will he not freely give me ALL things? The fact that I have been picked out of the papers alone, even if I don’t get the acceptance in the end, is already good enough a testimony that God has been working behind the scenes and especially these few days when I am fully conscious of God’s love for me has the blessings really begun to flow. And I say begun because I know the best is yet to be. That God has even more in store for me as I learn to allow Him to embrace me more and more.

I’m looking forward to the days ahead with a confident expectation of good that I will perform exceedingly, abundantly and above every expectation in every thing that I do because of whose child I am! Because I AM the beloved child of God in whom He is well-pleased.

AND. You wanna know something? I had anointed my application! And God’s anointing gives me the power to rest and reign, honoring me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with His blessings. Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will follow me all the days of my life.

Seriously, I’m starting to see it practically and not just in theory, that resting in the Lord’s love for me gives me the power to rest and reign, the power to be victorious in life! I think this must be the restoration from camp! And I realize how before everything happens in the natural, we are truly changed from the inside out. Right believing gives way to right living. When I hadn’t seen the results, I continued to thank Daddy God for every single day because I learnt that we praise God no matter the situation so in the mornings, before I even knew what the day was gonna be like, I already started thanking God that it would be an AWESOME day filled with His Wisdom, knowledge, Favor and understanding. After all, we need to speak it and claim it for it to happen and for it to become ours.

This must’ve been the product of all the praying in tongues and thanking God for all the good as if it has already happened. God makes it so easy for Him to bless us. All we have to do is ask and He will grant the desires of our heart.

But the thing that makes this awesome is that, usually, I thank God only after I see the miracle or the good outcome, but now I’ve learnt to tap into the faith realm where we speak and it becomes and it’s so awesome that my love for Daddy God is not because of His blessings but first and foremost because of my revelation of His love for me. And we love because He first loved us. And knowing how much He sacrificed for us really causes me to want to be embraced by this Abba who wants to bless us in every way if only more people knew of His love for them.

Well, I’m looking forward to the smacks of blessings to come and reveling in God’s love every day has definitely made me a happier person. :) And I know that tomorrow when I go for that trial, I will shine with God’s favor, be anointed with his goodness and be enveloped in His love for me that will make me more than a conqueror! Amen! :D

Love,
Debs [The Child whom Jesus Loves. :) ]

A Disclaimer.

2010-07-27T16:14:00.000+08:00

This is a rant.

Because I'm so pissed off. But you know what? After this rant, I'll stop talking all about this incident because no one is worth that much of my dedication and attention. And it's in the past so one recount will suffice. I don't feed on betrayal and gossip, I'll live.

_____________________________________________

So I know this person, let's call him/her A for anonymity's sake.

Well, it's not that I don't like you as a person. I'm not denying that i dislike some aspects of the way your character, but a large part of it is because of the way you behave. I'm sure you have the capacity to not be this way, and I'm wondering if you actually realise you don't gain others' respect, instead so many of us are cursing under our breath.

You don't listen to anyone else, you only hear yourself. It almost seems as if the only person you bloody care about in this world is yourself and the things you want- how you want things only your way. You lead and are able to cause people to listen to you, but there is no balance and it is not out of natural leading but out of forcing your way into the situation.

You think loud is good? I reckon it's insecure.

AND. Maybe it's time to realise that not everyone is afraid of you, or to stand up to you. Because when I said what I said, I had meant for you to hear it. Sure, all of us gossip, but I'd rather tell it to your face. What is there to hide? Oh wait. Because then you got upset and started gossiping behind my back. Sure, that's cool.

Well, get this. The world does not revolve around you. And you're gonna get into some deep shit if you think you can always throw your weight around. A good leader is also a good follower, but when have you stopped to listen to someone else's idea? When have you ever not tried to impress your ideas and opinions on others? Just because someone has a differing opinion from you doesn't mean your opinion is superior. We have freedom of speech but not everyone needs or wants your opinions sometimes. And when you try to fight to justify your opinions so desperately, just what does it prove?

He who restrains his lips is wise, but a fool opens his mouth and removes all doubt.

Just so you know, when people laugh, it's not always with you, but maybe you haven't realised. If you really wanna "give it to me", then give. You don't threaten me in any way because a loud mouth doesn't make a person and I ain't got nothing to prove if you think flaring up at me will show people your "power" and "ability" or whatever it is you're trying to prove.

I thought you were genuinely outspoken, etc. But I realise it branches from insecurity, not confidence.

Food for thought?

A matter of hours;

2010-07-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

Ms Manjit broke it down for us today during Lit and now we realise it's truly a matter of hours. Till Os, that is. O.O

Sure, 88 days is 2112 hours.

Minus an average of six hours for sleeping, 1584 left.

Divide by eight subjects, (trusting that God will pull me through for Chinese so I won't have to retake. Heehee. :D), 198 hours per subject.

Divide by 24 hours gives you eight and a quarter days for each subject. D: LIKE WHAT THE.........!

And that's not counting resting time. Hahaha. It's okay. By God's grace. I'm just happy everything's almost over!!! :D HAHAHAH! Like I know I should only be happy after the battle is won, but I'm just in anticipation!! HEHEEH!

Then I'll bake-a-ton (pun intended) and Big Day Out with Clarabelle and movie marathon with myself and GO ISRAEL with Dare Almighties. My momma let me go. Trusting that Daddy God will deliver and provide. :) Amongst all the other awesome awesome things I'm gonna do after Os!!! Damn. 15 weeks more. :/

Focus and formal homework is suspending in three weeks. That's good coz it's hard to concentrate on the stuff I need to do on my own when I'm so tired after everything the teacher's have given. I know they mean well but we do need some time to work on our own weaknesses because when we do revision as a class it's kinda like a "free size" thing, but one size doesn't fit all.

Currently [Term 3 Week 5-8] :

7.5 hours- Sleep

9 hours- School

3.5 hours- Meals/Travelling/Washing up/Misc.

2 hours - Phone/Computer/Rest

2 hours - Homework/Revision

_________

24 Hours.

Before Prelims [Term 3 Week 9] :

7.5 hours- Sleep

7 hours- School

3.0 hours- Meals/Travelling/Washing up/Misc.

1.5 hours - Phone/Computer/Rest

5 hours - Revision

________

24 Hours.

During Prelims [Term 3 Week 10 - Term 4 Week 1] :

7.5 hours- Sleep

7 hours- School

3.0 hours- Meals/Travelling/Washing up/Misc.

1.5 hours - Phone/Computer/Rest

5 hours - Revision

________

24 Hours.

After Prelims [Term 4 Week 2-4] :

7.5 hours- Sleep

7 hours- School

3.5 hours- Meals/Travelling/Washing up/Misc.

2 hours - Phone/Computer/Rest

4 hours - Revision

________

24 Hours.

French Leave [Term 4 Week 5-6] :

8 hours- Sleep

12 hours- Revision

2.0 hours- Meals/Washing up/Misc.

2.0 hours - Phone/Computer/Rest

________

24 Hours.

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.

Every day of my life,

I know goodness and mercy follow me,

Everywhere, every time.

And every step that I take,

I know Jesus You're with my all the way.

_______________________

I've found another lover, one whose perfect love casts out every fear. I love because He first loved me and I'm growing in the revelation of His love, that no matter what, He loves me for who I am and no matter what wrong I've done.

I need a hero,

I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light.

Somewhere just beyond my reach,

There's someone reaching back for me.

Where the mountains meet the heavens above,

Where the lightning splits the sea,

I could swear there is someone somewhere watching me.

Through the wind and the chill and the rain,

And the storm and the flood,

I can feel His approach like a fire in my blood.

My knight in shining armor, J.

______________________________

Dear Shawn,

I have the sweetest ever boyfriend who's been taking care of me whenever I've fallen ill and been spending time with me, and that's what matters most- quality time, that you've been willing to fork out to spend with me. Even though sometimes it's just eating ice-cream and listening to my crap. Heehee.

I think you really make me fall for you over and over again and though it seems stereotypical that the longer you've been together the more bored you get of each other and once the initial attraction fades you fight till the ends of the world over the silliest, I still love you to bits and I know that surely, Daddy God has been the third party in the relationship that has held it together for so long.

How time flies, it's been two years. The last time, it was you having O level prep and me playing around having fun as a sec two, now it's my turn. Well, thanks for always being here. I know I'm not the easiest girlfriend to have. I'm stubborn and entertain a feminist streak but you're still so accommodating towards me. :)

This's no special occasion. But I think you deserve to know how important you are to me any time, no matter. :)

Love,

Deborah.

_______________________

Love,

Debs.

2010-07-04T11:43:00.000+08:00

Love divine, freely given

Grace amazing came

On the cross, You were broken

Rejected and alone

You walked redemption’s road

Carried the weight of my shame

You offered Your all for me
Because of Your love

Jesus I love You

Jesus I worship You

Jesus I thank You for the cross

O Lord You saved my life
Through Your precious sacrifice

Jesus, I thank You for the cross

________________________________________________________

I've decided to turn my "most probably not" to a "most probably" going for level session. Hahahs. I guess I got my perspective straight. I'm so much more refreshed after spending time with Daddy God and in the company of young wise men and women. Funny how "wise" sounds weird with a "young" in front of it right? Wisdom of the world may come with age, but in God's realm, logic is never a good reason for the way He works. ;) hahas.

Anyway, it's funny how every time I go for my 'last training', it would rain cats and dogs and I wouldn't be able to play a last game. I guess it's fated for me to always be a netballer. I never get to play my last games. Hahah. That was the case during my last training with Team Tanglin and that has also been the case yesterday during my last training with REVIVE before my study mecca for the O levels. Hahahas. Dang. I'll miss them, and I'll most definitely miss the game too. I'm already thinking of all the things I'd love to do after Os. In chronological order. I think I'll make a list!! HAHAHAHAH!

1) Move back to niang jia. HAHHAHAH! xD

2) Go Prom shopping

3) Get a part-time job to fund my rendezvous during my looooong hols!!!! HAHAHAHAH!

4) Spend time w/ Shawn Ong for all the times I've been studying. :D hehehehe!

5) Spend more time with my family for the 3/4 year I've barely been with them. :)

6) Bake-a-thon and BIG Day Out w/ Clarabelle.

7) Trip to Malaysia/Indo w/ Pri, Bea, Arumi, Clarabelle, Maddy, Mags, Yu Lin!!! Short budget trip of course! xD

8) Movie Marathon with myself to watch all the freeking movies I've missed while studying. D:

9) Stay over with my girlfriends, Geri and Yve. :)

10) Catch up with my NHPS friends! :D

11) GO ISRAEL! w/ DARE Almighties! You will deliver, You will provide.

12) Get 7 points for my L1R5! AMEN!

Anyway, yeah. So looking at my activities, you can see why no. 3 is super essential. HAHAHAHHAH! xD

Well, the good news, I suppose, is that O levels will be over in 4 months.

And the bad news, is that O levels begins in 3.5 months.

Which is also, 14 weeks.

Which is also, 106 DAYS.

Which is also, 2544 HOURS.

Which is also, 152640 MINUTES.

Which is also, 9158400 seconds.

And I've just lost another three seconds typing this line.

Dear Daddy God,

I pray that I'll be crowned with Your anointing that causes Your divine Wisdom, Knowledge, Favour and Understanding to flow in my life. That You will give me clarity of mind and the ability to focus. I confess that I have the mind of God and that You will bring everything to my remembrance. I know that I am greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved. I am conscious of Your love for me because it will perfect everything I need in my life. You have GIVEN me the promised land and You will lead me and give me rest. Since You are for me, no one can be against me. You have opened the door for me to reign in life and no one can shut it. I thank You for always being there for me and picking me up should I stumble and fall. Amen. :)

OKAY. Gotta go! BYE!

Love,

Deborah.

Never Leave Your Partner Behind.

2010-06-27T11:05:00.000+08:00

The thing about men who cheat, whether on their girlfriends or wives, not only in the most obvious aspect, it's like,

"When did I stop being

good enough for you?"

- Fireproof

P.S. Don't read too much into this. It just hit my mind when I was reading a book. Haha.

P.P.S. Fireproof is a movie with christian influences, but I think it's pretty good and all, men especially, should watch it.

I'm no saint,

2010-06-18T21:49:00.002+08:00

nor hippie, not a complete optimist or fully sanguine. I'm not into the new-age stuff or finding your "inner-self". I'm no motivational speaker (well, that much is obvious) and I'm no counsellor. I don't have hundred percent proof I'm right and I'm not here to change your mind. I don't go looking for my "happy place" or breathe exasperatedly when stressed.

Okay. At this point I would like to apologise if I've offended anyone with the things I don't believe in. I never said they were wrong, I just don't believe in such things. Personal preference. I'm sure you respect that much.

I'm no expert at life. And I don't believe I know everything there is to know. But if you're a fast reader with nothing better to do. Then maybe you can simply hear me out.

__________________________________________

Anger.

I don't believe people purely get angry 100% of the time they claim they're angry.

Sometimes it is a mask for other emotions- sadness, disappointment, embarrassment. And that's just naming a few. Other times, the anger gives them a state of control.

I know from my own experience. When I was angry over betrayal of my trust, when you're the only one left and no one listens to you vent at night, that's when you start to realise you're not actually angry at the person over the betrayal/disappointment, you're actually sad and hurt. It's just that it's much easier to feel angry at the person, to feel a hatred towards that person, than to actually admit that that person has actually made you vulnerable and caused you pain. No one wants to admit they can be weak.

And then again in an argument, the one that keeps cool under pressure is the winner. Once you've raised your voice, it's kind of like admitting that you've lost the battle or know that you're losing. The raising of your voice is merely a facade to cover up the fact that you know you're argument has a weaker basis and also it implies that you are losing your dominant position and that's why there is a need to raise your voice.

A constantly angry person may be also an insecure person. Unsure of themselves, finding the need to prove themselves right all the time and getting angry in the process because no one person is completely right and in many matters, there isn't merely black and white but a huge array of grey areas that, try as you may and argue as you might, won't make them any more right or any more wrong.

I guess sometimes, we need to learn to admit it when we're wrong instead of getting so worked up over it. And it goes both ways. If you blame the whole world when something goes wrong, you're not going to be any happier than the person you blamed. And if you're only ever finding fault in what is a person's best effort, no one will ever satisfy your standards and before long, they won't bother trying either.

AND OF COURSE, important point to note, if you do actually tell them this, they will violently object to that perception of them. But hey. Usually when I do that, I tend to realise the perception is actually true. Just being in denial. It takes some time to think through others crtiticisms but it's valuable whether they turn out to be accurate or not. If it is accurate, then you know of an area to correct. And if it's inaccurate, then you'll have to find out why that person got such a perception of you.

When we are hurt badly, our first instinct may be anger. Only after that fades and we realise the anger is merely a mask, can we begin to heal. It's hard to mend something you don't believe is broken.

Giving up pride can be hard, but pride's all it's worth. For that instance of preservation of pride, is it worth a broken relationship? Is it worth a true friend?

Sometimes the largest regrets may come from the words left unsaid. And I'm not being all drama serial-ish and encouraging you to confess your feelings, but we should humble ourselves to utter the word "sorry" and sometimes that means more than anything else. And maybe, that will cause a longer lasting mutual respect to reverberate between you and the other party.

That having been said. I'm guilty as charged as well. None of us have been made infallible, and I guess we have to accept that and not always try to impress our views and opinions upon others. Sometimes trying to nudge someone along the right path will not be through brute force, but through careful meandering and prodding. The harder you push, the greater the rebound.

If you run into thick vegetation in a forest at your full speed, I believe you are likely to get hurt. Either because you get bounced off instead or because you've used too much force and you went all the way through. While the former is obviously more painful for you, the latter will hurt both you and the vegetation. Yet, if you carefully tread the ground and bother to slowly venture layer by layer, you do as little damage as possible and in the end, both you and the vegetation get what you want. You get through. The vegetation lives. Okay. Not the best analogy. But you probably can see the idea there. Haha.

It's not important to control the situation with your anger, but with a peace that is tangible. It is better to control yourself and remain in check with your emotions than to try to control others when you are not able to even do so with yourself.

Maybe for the average person this bit is optional. But take it as I'm talking to myself because these are merely my utterances and feelings on the subject matter.

I believe I will do this by grace and not by self-effort because through many instances we have learnt that man will fail. And I know that I'm not able to do it on my own.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

Anyway. This was basically a rant. And on the side note.

Happy 18th and one day, Sweetheart! HAHA! I guess I won't be able to surprise you next year. I've exhausted my resources and also the element of surprise. D: hahahaha.

Anyway, school's almost reopening and I guess there's someone I should apologize to for having flared up at her. Haha. :)

I seem to have become more malleable now. I guess that's good. My mom hated my stubborn-as-a-mule attitude. HAHHAHA. xD And OKAY. One last side note. Ever realised how every one regards bulls as stubborn? Is it that they really are stubborn, or is it that we just don't have the strength/influence/etc to move them? =S Hmm.

Alright.

Love,

Deborah.

2010-06-10T23:05:00.001+08:00

SO.

I know Michael Jackson has passed away for pretty long now. And honestly I hadn't thought much about the fact that he died because I didn't know him, didn't really know his music and mostly, felt absolutely no need to be a poser. HAHA.

YES. That's what I thought of the many youths my age who suddenly took to loving Michael Jackson and, correct me if I'm wrong, all I'll offer is my apologies, being all Michael Jackson-ised. Truth is. Which one of us actually knew him and appreciated his music the way those a generation up would? Nada.

Sorry babies. Don't need to get your knickers in a twist but I honestly felt that so many people who went, "OMG. *tears/cries/sobs* R.I.P MJ", etc etc, were just posers. 'Course, everyone wanted a slice of him. Anyway, while I have have had an extremely liberating time in the past two paragraphs just about slamming lots of people, -inserts HAHA- (OMG. I reckon I need not go back to school now. Thank goodness I merely own a tiny, obscure corner of the nearly infinite cyberspace that few even encounter. xD) that's not the point of me blogging today.

Because I felt basically nothing. I mean, I knew he was a great artiste of the music industry but he wasn't a great man to me since I basically didn't know him well enough, nor had ANYONE these days blasted his music, except after he did actually pass away and all of a sudden everyone's all "heal the world" (there I go again) I didn't think much or go into mourning, etc.

But today, I've realised that he actually has been a good man(apart from only inventing the whole walking backwards, that is, moonwalking.)

I will quote from the following blogs/websites:
-Vigilant Citizen
-Michaelsguardian

Originally, I had been searching something on my "all-time favourite" artiste, Lady Gaga, after some prompting on my boyfriend's part about her newest addition to her collection of demonic devices, Alejandro. The beginning is so eff-ing scary. I didn't even watch it. I just saw I picture. I'll watch it when there's sunlight. Me feels safer. HAHAHAHHAHA! xD

I mean isn't she always up to her antics? While it may or may not be true that she is linked to occult and what not, I find her videos deeply disturbing. While Vigilant Citizen could very well be Paranoid Citizen, here is its take on Lady Gaga's various videos.

Paparazzi? Telephone? Bad Romance?

Satanism, hypnotism, Monarch programming (mind control) and then some.
*Note: It's not you getting controlled by the songs, it's just the songs being about mind-control. And whether or not you believe it it's up to you.

Anyway, so then I saw this article on the insiders exposing the ugly side of the entertainment industry and so I looked it up just for kicks. And that was when I realised that Michael Jackson had dared to publicly stand up against some of these dark rah-rah (pun unintended in reference to Lady Gaga.) but of course still there's a lot left up to the imagination and I guess we never really really know but I just wondered if he died because he spoke up against TM. I find it rather admirable but don't you just wonder why so many stars die such sudden deaths and usually all the courts are able to rule out is drug overdose or something? Ref. MJ himself, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger.

Is it really just the drugs/stress?

Anyway, just watch this(If you have the time lah. It's like 10 minutes long. HAHA! OMG. Now everyone knows what a free person I am. I'll have you know I've done my holiday assignments plenty plenty kay! Left 3. Hehe. :D).

Maybe fame really is a monster. It seems to me like you can't actually escape and it seems like the most famous might have dabbled darkly and when they want out it's not that easy. Take Britney, for all you know. Well, at least she hadn't died.

This is the lyrics of one of her unpublished songs:
Be wary of others
the ones closest to you
the posion they feed you
and the voodoo that they do
But in rebellion
there’s a sparkle of truth
don’t just stand there
do what you got to do
You’ll find it in rebellion
your body starts breathing
they’re not believing
what they’re seeing
cause you’re rebellion
you’ll find it so compeiling
with eveyone yelling
cause your soul, you’re not selling
cause you’re rebellion”

I think I know what she was gettin' at. Because she wrote it herself.

I guess there's a lot of darkness in these days. My advice, watch what you're listening to. I may be "just" a little church girl, but I'm sure there is wisdom in the verse that tells us to guard our hearts and the gates to our soul or in more "layman's" terms, "See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil".

None of us really know Michael Jackson even now, but he looked like a troubled man with a good heart and though I do know that half of what you find on the internet is bogus let me live with my happy moment. Thanks.

Those are the people who really do love Michael Jackson.

Well, I still don't entirely agree with the whole crotch-grabbing thing, but I guess today I'll let that slide. :)

And I wouldn't say R.I.P Michael Jackson because MJ's been moonwalking on the streets of gold. ;)

2010-06-09T22:01:00.000+08:00

So I,
I believe,
And I,
I put my faith in You,

Jesus all my hope is found in You,
Lord I reign in this life,
For You have bought me with the highest price,

In Your righteousness Lord I will stand,
To shout Your praise,
Lord I shout Your praise.

MOOOKACHOOKA MAY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! faints

2010-06-09T15:57:00.000+08:00

Hahhahaha. So like yeah. This is really obviously long overdue. And I'll keep it short and sweet because I haven't the time nor the memory capacity and keep in view that I have no idea when I'll be up here next because I'm really busy these days and really, there's not much time to be spent on the internet when you're pushing assignments and you've school the entire first week of june. Plus half of the 3rd week. Plus another half of the last week. Now honestly, I don't use expletives much(at least, I try to control myself. But seriously this is a case worth some good swearing. But even now I won't even spell it out.)

F***!!!!!!!!!!

Pun intended.

Like what kinda holiday is that. It's completely not three, not four (direct translation from bu shan bu si in chinese.) hahahahah. Like can't they just compress it. Oh wait. It was merely supposed to be week one plus 3 days of week four. But no. Mr Chan had to take another 3 days in week three. And not just normal days kay. 9-4pm. MAJOR WTF. >=(

Okay. BUT. The main point of this post is that I had an awesome awesome birthday thanks to all my mates and all the loves that surround me. :)

Like two consecutive days of celebrations first with my classmates and then with my boyfriend, Douglas and Caryn and finally with my primary school friends, family and church people. :)

SO. The first one was honestly the biggest and I can't believe I was freeking fooled by Beatrice and the ENTIRE gang. I had no idea what had even been going on lah. What the heck. Feeling so lousy. xD But all their acting was like damn convincing. Either that or I was too blur to notice every time someone laughed behind my back because Beatrice was faking that she had to go pick up her boyfriend and so would be dumping me on my birthday celebration. How shit would you feel? X.X And the rest of them played along so well. Even the super blur Arumi, who usually is, well, super blur. HAHAH! But it was awesome having all my wonderful friends around eventually. :)

Really, they made this year's celebration the best I've ever ever had. And I had so much fun. :)

Thanks Maddy for continually falling and making us laugh. Next year you can "beatbox" for my birthday. xD

Thanks Arumi for playing along so well. Omg. I'm gonna get you back on your birthday. =P

Thanks Priya for having listened to me even better than I had myself. C:

Thanks Soma for all the laughs and the witty remarks in class. x)

Thanks Beatrice for bluffing me. Actually no. I take that thanks back. Omg. Hate you. >.< HAHAH. Nahhs. Thanks for being there. :)

Thanks Clarabelle for ice-skating for me and spraining your ankle in the process. It's been awesome number five. xD

Thanks Boon Lee for being hungry. Not so much thanks for always throwing paper back at me. xP

Thanks Darren for trying to skate. HAHA. Hilarious experience.

Thanks Wei Yang for starting the whole bluff game. Tsk. HAHAHAHA!

Anyway, after my super awesome celebration with my class mates, it was off to sentosa to meet Shawn, Douglas and Caryn. I got this small chocolate mousse cake! Which I didn't finish because I'd have to use my finger. Hehehehe. Then Someone played the guitar for me. And a song he'd composed just for me on my birthday. Heheh. Sweet right? x)

Dancing in the moonlight.

The next day I woke up for training with REVIVE. Yupp. We're currently in the middle of our ENL season and we've been doing pretty well so far. :)

REVIVE VS Zenith Zeal
   65 - 13

REVIVE VS Bedok Kings Whites
   54 - 27

REVIVE VS Kryptonite
   61 - 31

REVIVE VS Katana
   48 - 29

Now we're left with 3 matches and it'll be the end of my season with them till I'm done with my O levels. :C But at least I have on street netball challenge to look forward to and it's on the 12th of June at *SCAPE. :)

ANYWAY. Back to the happiness thing. xD After training I headed back to my own home to basically like sleepover at my own home. Note how ridiculous it sounds but that's the funny part. xD

I had a BBQ at my place with Geraldine, Yvelyn, Nicole, Mel, Jerry, Andre, Ray, Mario, Jim and of course, Shawn. :) I guess you could say that this was a slightly more intimate gathering with family and my closer friends. But nah. That didn't stop any dinner time obscenities and inappropriate exchanges between Mario and my brothers. Sometimes, it went along the lines of porn stars between the older guys and then Mario and my youngest bros grabbing at each other. Then all of a sudden, they reverted to childhood. Playing with toy guns and shooting each other.

Very, very entertaining. xD hahahahhaha. Then we watched Get Smart with microwaved butter popcorn. Mmmm. Highly addictive. HAHHA. Then everyone zao-ed around 12.30am and Mel stayed over so we talked till nearly 4am before we fell asleep and woke up the next day for breakfast at 11am. After going to Bugis street for a bit of a walk about, I headed to church.

In general, I was really happy. OMG. Now that I've typed that it sounds so freaking lame. HAHAH! But yeah. Don't know how else to describe the feeling. Plus, they all put effort into my gifts. Stuff I needed (Ie. LOTSA food. Especially Chinz. OMG. HHAHA! Underwear from Geri. O.O HAHAH! But I guess "needed" is the right category. xD) and stuff I wanted (watch because my $12 watch pe cha. Thanks Yawny Shawny. And my adidas shirt from Priya. :D). Never been so happy on a birthday. I think. Lately at least. HAHAH. And lotsa people wished me, how many were prompted by FB, I don't know. But let me revel in the fact for awhile. HHAHAA. xD

Anyway, this has been a long overdue post and like I've taken two sittings to actually finish it so halfway it may have seemed completely linkless since I completed it with about 2 weeks in between. Actually more. Nearly a month. I think. HAHAH! And another birthday's approaching. ;)

And here comes my usual disclaimer. Yadda-yadda O levels approaching in four months. Lots of holiday assignments for an incomplete holiday break. No time to blog anymore. Not sure when I'll be back next. Indefinite hiatus. Won't necessarily be reading tagboard so will only reply next time I'm free. ETC. You know the rest.

Here're the photo links. FB and Blogger will kill me with their F-ed up photo uploading platforms so I'll only ever upload once and for all on FB as it is that much less annoying than blogger's. :)

There's only ONE way, TWO say, THREE words FO(u)R youuuuuuu, I love you.

Love,
Deborah.

2010-04-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

"I want a hug."

"I want your time."

Fall afresh on me, Like rain upon my face;

2010-04-23T20:54:00.000+08:00

Just a comment, is this the rain of grace? It practically rains every evening at FIVE, 5pm. The number of grace. ;)

WOW. I'm living that life now. Full of God's abundance of grace, favour, wisdom, knowledge, understanding and love. And in the process, I've finally learnt how to enjoy A math. Trigo in particular. And I'm looking forward to enjoying stuff like physics, and all the other stuff I'm currently bad at. God is awesome. And for the record, I'll be living the Walking On Water life.

Love,
Debs.

Favour

2010-04-16T20:38:00.000+08:00

Today I went to study with Geraldine. And we experienced much favour.

Firstly, when we went to look for seats at the library, we settled down at a table, and just nice the lady got up.

When we went for dinner, there were plenty of seats, and by the time we had finished comfortably, people started piling in.

When there was this issue, someone saved our butts. As in nobody noticed it, but we ourselves were kinda confused about it. xD

What can I say? We're highly favoured, deeply loved and greatly blessed. ;D

And before that I had sports day. My last sports day. All I can say is that I'm happy with myself. :D And my voice is almost gone. xS Well, whatever. :D

Love,
Deborah.

Life Lesson #6.

2010-04-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

And so I had a problem with ants. So I went to get ant bait/poison. And I found this chalk for just 60 cents. And you're apparently supposed to draw around the hoard you're trying to protect and once ants even touch it they'll die in about a minute.

So I piled all my foodies up and drew a circle around it. Kinda like the sea-bear circle in spongebob! xD

And obviously I couldn't see the magical wonder chalk in action, so whilst I was doing my homework and I spotted an ant, I just had to try it out. So I drew a circle around the ant!! HAAHAHAH! It couldn't escape MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. And so it ran around and around and then it died after awhile. :/

P.S. I know I sound so sadistic. Please don't be hating on me. They're ants. I'd gladly give them to you if you'd wish.

Side note:

2010-04-14T21:12:00.002+08:00

GRANDMA'S COMING BACK TOMORROW!!! YEAHHOOOOOO! :D

Life Lesson #5.

2010-04-14T21:11:00.001+08:00

Dealing with small wasp nests.
(As observed from my uncle)

Tie a plastic bag around it with no escape routes!!! HAHAHAH! It's pretty ingenious! xD

Life Lesson #4.

2010-04-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

Cutting a cake.

Ms Solastri made me cut the cake which was for Germaine's farewell. And she said, "Once you can cut it, you can go get married." HAHA?

But anyway I COULD cut it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! But duh. It's food. Obviously I'm good with food. Speaking of which....

Life Lesson #3.

2010-04-14T21:07:00.000+08:00

Ironing.

Why can't all shirts just be straight normally? LOL. So yeah. Anyway, I had to iron my white shirt for the achievers day stuff, and I wouldn't know how well I did it since it was under the blazer, but it was straight kay! xP

Life Lesson #2.

2010-04-14T21:05:00.000+08:00

Life lesson #2.

ALWAYS close the windows when you leave the house. The first time I'd forgotten, it was just drizzly, but mosquitos came in! ARGH. My single most hated bug in the world.. YUCK.

And the second time I'd forgotten, since my bed is just under the windowsill, my entire pillow was drenched. Gosh. SO. Subsequently, I've now moved my bed away from the window and I close it when I leave the house, nonetheless. :D

Life Lesson #1.

2010-04-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

So thus far, I have been flung into the deep end, not just moving to my grandma's place but also, coincidentally, one day before she left for her holiday in China. And thus I am essentially living on my own since my uncle is always out when I'm in. Haha. So yes. I've learnt stuff. And I'm proud of myself. xP

So life lesson #1.

Washing my clothes.

By hand.

HAHAHA. So yeah. The first time I did it, I was damn scared the bamboo pole would be too heavy and I would fall out with it or something. xD But essentially, everyday, I come home bathe, wash clothes and mop the floor.

The Subscript;

A peace that surpasses all understanding;

LEGACY CAMP 2011

SO. Hi there.

IS-RAELI AWESOME. :)

2011...

A Year of Restful Increase,

Shine Your light, be that city of light;

If my heart has grown cold,

Let Hope arise,

Who shall I fear?

You are my God.

So how do I feel...

Perfection took our place;

I have never...

The power of...

Deutronomy 28

I like...

Come to think of it,

I figured...

The victory is mine but the battle is the Lord's;

Your life for mine, when I couldn't save myself;

But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord;

I receive Your faith to walk on oceans deep;

To be or not to be?

A Sudden Dawning;

Hide me in the shelter of Your love;

A Reflection;

And I won't worry about tomorrow,

Knowing that all You have in store for me is good, is good.

God is my Certainty;

If uncertainty counted for anything at all,

This is my prayer;

Double for Trouble. ;)

Breakthrough;

I will bring PRAISE, I will REJOICE, I will DECLARE, God IS MY VICTORY. :)

T.G.I.F. :)

My Journey to the O Levels with Daddy God. :)

A Disclaimer.

A matter of hours;

Never Leave Your Partner Behind.

I'm no saint,

MOOOKACHOOKA MAY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! *faints*

Fall afresh on me, Like rain upon my face;

Favour

Life Lesson #6.

Side note:

Life Lesson #5.

Life Lesson #4.

Life Lesson #3.

Life Lesson #2.

Life Lesson #1.

MOOOKACHOOKA MAY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! faints