SO. Hi there.

Apparently, I was consumed in an unexpected hiatus due to the overwhelming nature of a pre-u education. Phewwie.

The past few months have just been wow. I have discovered the beginning of my intense hatred for PW and in fact I've to work on finding yet another case study. ANNOYINGSHITZXZXZ!! Hahahha.

In a sense, I feel like nothing is going as planned and outcomes aren't what I'd typically expected out of my life here. Like some things I stepped into JC with are quickly being replaced because the people around me have taught me otherwise and I guess in this particular aspect it's good.

But other than that, like I guess I feel it's kinda hard to adjust when I used to be involved in so much in sec school and like when I realised it, it was really His favour upon me but now I've come to a point where it seems like it isn't there anymore. And though I'd hate to admit coz it sounds so. urgh. but still. The fact that is that I do feel it.

What I've realised, after a number of unspoken and shrugged off disappointments, is that maybe all the while I'd still been looking to my own human effort, my own eloquence, my past credentials and personal achievements when the very fact is that when I look to my arm of flesh, I turn away from His grace and unmerited favour. In a sense, I feel like continually God is building me up in this area, not to hold on to the tangibles but to trust in the ever-true Word. Can you feel like a victor even when you don't have the victory yet? I don't think I've fully grasped the concept of that. But in a sense I guess it's about knowing I'm loved, knowing that I'm special, knowing that I'm able, even when it doesn't appear so, even when I feel like crap.

I feel like I've really been brought into the wilderness- there's nothing here for me to hold on to, at times even God may seem to be far off, but yet I must know that He is with me, He will never leave nor forsake me and because of that I will not fear. I feel like there's so much resistance from all around, but maybe that's because I have failed to acknowledge and put serious action into the desire that God has placed in my heart from before all these other distractions evaded- the desire to serve and to be a blessing. And when you choose to seek the most important thing in your life, He illuminates all the other things that are important to you as well. :)

MSAs were a really-just-scrape-through-by-God's-grace because I got 3 Us. And yet I still managed to clear MSAs. In fact, my last grade I received which was for Econs was exactly what I needed to clear my rank points.

H2 History - E (I hesitated because I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing but when I didn't hesitate in my second attempt, I got a B instead. X.X)
H2 Economics - B (ONE mark away from an A. Never mind. He's the author and the perfector!)
H2 Literature - U (The whole cohort got U's)
H1 Math - U (OOPZ. HAHA)
H1 General Paper - B (ONE mark away. AGAIN.)
H1 Chinese - U (I CANT DO CHI COMPRE!!!! D: )

Total: 36 rank points!!!
YAYAYAYAY!!! HAHAHAHAHAH.

Love,
Debs.